Three Things

1. Dr. John Gonas is the man. And here is further proof for that case. It's incredible that we have both had the honor of calling him teacher, boss, mentor, and friend. There are not many as deserving of the accolade as he. I spoke with him, today, while he was in D.C. and you could just hear the elation in his voice. For someone who really likes for his students to get the recognition, it's about time he enjoyed a little of his own.
2. I just put both of my degrees up in the new office. And I can't even begin to tell you how good that felt. After months (and years) of sitting on the floor framed and collecting dust, they now hang in a place where I am reminded not just of sacrifice and hard work, but of blessings and favor, as well.
3. Cliff will be back from retreat soon, and we will finally get to celebrate, tonight! You can't even know how difficult it was not to share yesterday with him. Although, I am incredibly thankful to have spent the evening with my dearest Molly. We've got the new job, the house goal met, and sixteen months (of marriage) under our belts as of today and that calls for a little celebration, don't you think?

A Piece of Cake

Okay, so maybe not - but we did it. And I say we, because I couldn't have dealt with half of the stress of this semester without Cliff and I am sure I added undue stress on him in the meantime. The paper is in, and I am done for the semester. It's Monday, December 17th, and I am finally done.

Meanwhile, I've started to feel like the "big baby" that always emphasizes and whines about how much stuff she has to do. It comes to the point where it's so repetitive, and all my grown-up friends who work real jobs everyday are probably past the point of caring. But that's silly, because this stuff matters and it has been quite a challenge.

It's silly in the same way it's silly for my husband to think he was childish for having a hard time with the fact that he chose to accept our brand new camcorder over trading another guy for an XBOX 360. Over and over again I insisted that he could trade because you could just see how badly he wanted it, but he wouldn't let himself do it. And while it was miserable, seeing him so internally frustrated, I was just so... proud. He didn't take it for a lot of reasons, most of which included it being a drain on our already minimal time together and time with the Lord, as well as having something to capture the memories we have yet to make.

Either way, we were so blessed on Saturday night by Cliff's company. It was a night of great food (the BIGGEST SHRIMP I have ever seen) and good company, as well as a ton of unexpected turns throughout the evening. Every company employee walked away with one of any of these items (digital camera, camcorder, $300 best buy giftcard, iPod touch, xbox 360, nintendo wii, playstation 3, garmin gps system, or a 32" flatscreen television), a $50 giftcard to their choice of a couple of places (include Bonefish - YES!), a Dave Ramsey Show Softshell Jacket, a Lampo ornament, and an extra-large profit sharing check. It was crazy and at one point, felt mildly like a version of Oprah's "favorite things" episode. My favorite part (besides getting dressed up), though, was singing "Silent Night" in a candlelit room of about 400 people. So refreshing...

In other news, we survived all of our festivities for the weekend and are excited for the next two weekends spent with family (especially a long overdue trip home to Virginia Beach).

This week, I am braving the masses and actually doing our Christmas shopping. I always tend to save it for later, and rather enjoy the pace of last-minute shopping. We have managed to buy for three of our nine nieces and nephews and for my mom, so that's a start, right?

Okay, so besides that, I'm reading and while I have a few ideas of what I'd like to take a gander at, I'm open to suggestions. So, if you've got a moment, shoot me a comment and recommend five books you think I should read over break, because the more variation, the better. I plan on revisiting some Donald Miller, maybe a little Elisabeth Elliott, and then the sky's the limit. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Glorious.

I just finished my second to last assignment for the semester. This was the presentation on the paper that's due Monday. Ah, the smell... the taste... of freedom. I'm almost there.

I'm starting to dream of the taste of my freedom celebration meal with Sarah on Monday, the feel of non-school books and my journal in my hands, and of high tea on the front porch, not touching my daily planner for at least three weeks, eating lunches with the hubby, beginning our Christmas shopping, playing car games on our endless holiday journeys, celebrating the birth of our Savior, seeing my family and feline friends (unfortunately, sans Max), and drinking as many Slurpees as humanly possible in the five day period we will be anywhere near or on the eastern seaboard.

This week has flown by. Hosted the ladies group Monday night, baked like a crazy person, cooked some tasty meals, worked on my final paper, prepared for this presentation. Now, tonight begins a string of Christmas and other celebrations - Cliff's team tonight, our Sunday School class tomorrow night, Cliff's work on Saturday, Rob and Kristin's baby shower on Sunday, and my work on Monday.

A couple in our Sunday School class is expecting this weekend! This will be the fourth baby in the last four months and there are still three on the way - one in January, one in May, and one in June. Let's just say we've been eating a lot of donut holes in class. But it's fun! And then Amy's expecting in March and that's a whole miracle in itself! We're pretty content right now to be without child, but can't say it's not exciting to see so many people blessed by the addition of a new family member. We look forward to that day... But for now, there's graduating, travelling, jobs, and a bit more of life to live for us, it seems, unless God decides to surprise us.

Well the pizza should be here in class soon, and then I'm off to meet Cliff at the Moore's for a night of dessert and relaxation. Awesome.

I Wish I Was Napping

I should be napping, but some genius is outside weed-whacking and besides, I'm not that good of a napper to begin with. I could really use it though - I woke up at 6:30am today to get ready and head over to starbucks for non-wireless accessible jolt of caffeine and space to cut out a good chunk of my paper that was due today. I wrote five pages in two hours which is an all-time record. A few sidebars here and there (meetings, lunch with Cliff, etc), I ended up finishing the paper at approximately 2:25pm, dropped it off and picked up my last Braxton paper, and then drove home to meet Natalie at the movie theatre to see "In the Land of Women" which was actually pretty good and not at all what I was expecting from Adam Brody or Meg Ryan.

And while I'm on the subject of movies - I got tagged to do this by Sara so I thought I would oblige and Natalie and Molly should do this also (pretty please!)

In no particular order -

5 favorite movies
1. Pride and Prejudice
2. Brigadoon
3. Braveheart
4. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
5. Singin' in the Rain

4 favorite movie actors
1. Gene Kelly
2. Johnny Depp
3. Cary Grant
4. George Clooney

3 favorite movie quotes
1. "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." - Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart
2. "Just keep swimming." - Dory, Finding Nemo
3. "Waitin' for my dearie and happy am I, to hold my heart 'til he comes strollin' by..." - Fiona, Brigadoon

2 favorite movie actresses
1. Catherine Zeta-Jones
2. Kate Winslet

And 1 favorite movie memory
1. How my heart lept when Gandalf the white comes riding over the hill towards Minas Tirith in "Return of the King."

Lunch Break

Mmm... leftover pizza with chicken, bacon, mushrooms, and onions from Cabana. I just left the office a moment ago and was this tempted to run by Taco Bell for this thing which I had seen on a commercial last night and have been thinking about ever since. But since I packed my lunch (which isn't dreadfully healthy, but at least smaller in portion and probably a winner compared to my other option) and I've been doing this whole mantra thing where I tell myself "you are stronger than you think you are" when I do things like run, climb, or open the refrigerator door and it really works - I didn't go and it felt awesome. I read about mantras in Lauren's running magazine (she's running the Country Music half-Marathon this weekend) and closed my eyes and tried to think of what I would need to tell myself in order to keep going and it was "you are stronger than you think you are" and that has been incredibly profound.

Speaking of profound, while I've been babysitting for the Doolittles, I will occasionally take time to read a book of hers that's laying around called "French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure" just because I remember it being a buzz book a year or so ago and I thought, "why not see what it has to say?" It's been an interesting read so far, but there was something in particular that I read yesterday about a secret that every French woman knows about the pleasure of food - that it's the first bite that is the most enjoyable, and not the last. And I sat there and thought, for at least twenty minutes, about that statement and how I wish I had known that all my life - because it's SO true. There's no reason to get seconds and overeat if the best part was NOT the last but the FIRST! Wow. I could probably go without reading the rest of the book just knowing that - seriously.

Anyways, this has been nice break from working on a reflection paper that's due tomorrow that I thought would be a little bit easier than it's turning out to be, considering she gave us little to no direction on what exactly to reflect about. So, I'm trying to write my paper in such a way so as to show how taking this course has really given foundation and grounding to what I thought I knew and felt about service-learning; it's helped me to see what works and what doesn't work, how to even beginning planning and creating a course; what steps go into building successful community partnerships, and actually integrating the subject material into the service and vice versa.

Fabulous, now if only I could just write that.

One Down, One to Go

Things left to do for school:
Final Case Analysis for Organizational Theory and Behavior
Final Reflection Paper for Planning and Implementing Service-Learning

Sweetness.

In other news, our engagement photos are up and you should check them out. Just click on the "Cliff and Kristine" album and probably the easiest way is to view as a slideshow. If you happen to be a family member or friend interested in purchasing one of these, you can do so straight from the website and have it sent to your home. Simple! I love them, seriously. I am marrying the most handsome man in the world and I just adore every second I get to spend with him, whether we're looking our best and staring at each other in the face for two hours during a photo shoot or getting stinky and sweaty at the climbing gym, having fun. We're always having fun - even through the messy stuff.

And it's the messy stuff I'm beginning to really appreciate, because it is all so refining. I am learning to be a better communicator, a better problem-solver, and more assertive of the things I am thinking and feeling. I have never been more broken and vulnerable and yet so strong and sustained. I love that awkward feeling in the gut when you're sitting in a room full of people you're only starting to get to know and are asked to openly share about what you're learning and struggling with and what people can be praying about for you, as individuals and as a couple.

Anyways, I am rambling and keeping myself busy while Jake takes a nap (I'm doing a "trial-run" for the family I am sitting for for the summer) and then I'm off to work and the gym and Cabana for our last VUcept Exec Board "meeting" of the semester.

Oh, and if I were going to class tonight (we don't have to), it would be my last class of my first year of graduate school. Just like that. A year from now, I'll be done. Crazy!

What A Weekend!

So Saturday was great and Starbucks and photography rolled into watermelon ribs and great company at Loveless Cafe. AND! Jody and Zach offered to do our engagement photos in addition to everything else they're already taking care of for us, so yesterday after church and introducing Cliff to Calypso Cafe (yum) we ran errands and then spent the late afternoon early evening at Belmont totally being shmoopy and loving every second of having poparazzi for the first time in our lives. We're excited to see how the pictures turned out!

I'm sitting in Sarrat Student Center having finished up a meeting, signing a book for Virginia Tech and donning a ribbon while being videod by Channel 2 and 5, and eating strawberries. A huge chunk just fell from my fingers and landed on my keyboard but I can't complain, they're just that good. Ah, and so cheap too - they've been like $1.99 a quart at Kroger for the last month. And I love strawberries.

I had a dream last night that an event was planned at Belmont for the 21st of July in Neely and that we got bumped for our reception. It was devastating and I woke up half-believing it... and then I remembered how good it has felt lately to get so many things "in the bag" and there's little room for having anything end up disastrously but just enough that keeps things exciting and a wee-bit out of our control.

So now, I must focus - but not on the wedding or the news or what's going on in the world except for the final case that's due for Org Theory tomorrow and my final reflection paper that's due for Service-Learning on Friday. Everything else but that is play, so it's time to get to work. And now that my strawberries are finished and every browser but this one is closed, I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty. I'll report back when all is said and el-donezo!

Milk and Oreos

I am sitting here on my exercise ball (which is far too small and deflated to properly align me with the top of the desk, but oh well) enjoying an after-walk treat of milk and Oreos realizing how shocking it is, sometimes, to be loved by God. Have you ever thought about that, really? Forgive me if I assume anything about your religious or spiritual beliefs, but for the moment I'm talking about me and my faith tradition, or to put it bluntly and yet still in Christianese - my relationshp with God. I took a walk tonight after a long, but satisfying day and reflected upon everything that happens in a day like today and how I know that God, ultimately, is good and has my best interests in mind.

I spent most of the day putting the finishing touches on a service-learning course in Community Leadership that I have been designing for one of my class assignments, and I pictured myself, for the first time, as I sat there binder-clipping all of the loose ends together once it was all finished, really being able to do the things I love to do and am most passionate about when it comes to education and what a journey it has been to get to this point. I could seriously teach a class on this stuff and that's nothing I would have ever had the resources or confidence to do even months ago.

I took a lunch break that involved visiting the Vanderbilt Theatre for the first time to see one of my students' (yes, I love that my student) One Act play that she directed - her first ever and it's first showing, and I was there alongside one of my colleagues and a few of our other students. I felt, for the first time, a feeling of ownership and yet of humility that I am so incredibly blessed to do what I do and to know the students that I know and to have even some time left to get to know them better; I am going on a day-hike next week with one of my faves (I'm not really supposed to have them, but let's be honest, you just do) and I'm just so grateful that God knew I wasn't ready, months ago, when I thought I was to really start pursuing these relationships with student leaders.

And then tonight, after sitting in class for the last time of my first year of grad school with people who may not be my closest friends but I have come to respect as my future colleagues and peers, I was really overwhelmed with awe. Awe that nine months has almost passed since the day I first set foot on Vandy's campus as a student and a semi-professional and it has taken me this long to start to get it, and still I do not regret that because the joy of seeing summer come has turned into anticipation of who I will be when I set foot on campus again next August. I know things now that I didn't know then, and in some ways - it's like a second chance.

Speaking of second chances, I got something I was asking for from God today but it didn't look or sound or feel at all like I was expecting it to and it sucks. It sucks because I have to let go of something that has been sort of a crux, or a luxury if you will, that hasn't been altogether bad just not altogether right. I can imagine that this will be a challenging and refining process of opening up, releasing my grip, and finding myself empty-handed. But that's sacrifice, and sacrificing isn't something I have been incredibly good at in a long time. But it's exactly what I need.

Oh my, please forgive me for my vagueness, but the point of wearing my heart on my sleeve but having a jacket on over top of it is to point, yet again, to a faithful and caring God who hears me and knows (unfortunately and yet, fortunately) better than even the most understanding pesron in the world, truly what will draw me further into truth and light. How can a God who loves me so much, enough to make days like today that end with sunsets behind beloved places with a person you love and a brisk walk on a quiet neighborhood street, or even a cold glass of milk and four perfectly delicious Oreos, how could He not make what's on the other side of the picture even better than what I can see?

But you, O Sovereign Lord, deal well with me for Your name's sake; out of the goodness of Your love, deliver me. -Psalm 109:21

Wednesday, Wednesday

Typically, I loathe Wednesdays because I don't like Tuesdays and they run late into the next day and I just hate the feeling I wake up with on Wednesday mornings. But that didn't happen today, and for that I'm glad. Possibly because today is really not Wednesday on my week schedule, having just come back from conference yesterday. By the way, conference got better - very much better, in fact - so I'm back feeling pretty good about the time I spent in Orlando. The big picker-uppers on Monday night, after posting, were an appetizer, a coke, and great conversation with my former Dean and Associate Dean of students, a reception held by ACSD which was the most normal and comfortable thing I had experienced the whole time I was there, and meeting a handful of new friends who are friends of friends and coming from the same perspective as me about our role as student affairs practitioners. It was great - and then Florida won the NCAA National Championship for men's college basketball against Ohio State (whom they also beat for the National Title for college football) and the Lady Vols won the women's championship last night which also made me incredibly happy (GO SEC!)

I flew back into Nashville yesterday early-evening and enjoyed a relaxing night hanging out a bit with my forlorn fiance (who acted like I had been gone a year), having dinner with Nat, and meeting with the VUcept Exec Board as the sole advisor for the evening. It stormed pretty hard last night, too, which was awesome - it's been a long time since I've seen lightning like that - spiderwebs of electric white spread out across a dark sky. I read Gone with the Wind for awhile (45 chapters down, 18 more to go) and fell asleep on my oh-so comfortable bed, relishing the absence of a hard floor against my back (although I stayed in a really nice hotel).

I'm at work now with not a whole lot to do, but I'm going to take advantage of that in productive ways and spend some time finding resources and research for a bit more professional development on my part. I realize that if I'm not getting the knowledge and experience I really desire from my time here at Vanderbilt, then it's no one's responsibilty but my own to change that and do something about it. I can't keep waiting for everyone to get their act together and make this whole experience stream-lined and really beneficial, I have to take what I'm given (lemons) and make something that works for me (lemonade). I got a lot of great ideas about things I'd like to learn more about and become more educated about in regards to higher ed and fortunately a lot of great resource lists too. So I'll keep sipping on my orange pekoe black tea and dive into something a little new and fresh, instead of wasting the time I'm given to do something valuable with.

Oh, and by the way - in case you've been wondering - Cliff and I are going down to Cool Springs tomorrow afternoon to have lunch with the director of the position for which he's been interviewed for with Dave Ramsey (he's had 3 really great interviews with them so far) and his wife. I think they call this a "spousal interview" with the spouse being Jack's wife (not me). I'm really excited and nervous, but this whole process has been really promising and tomorrow could be the deal-breaker. Pray for us, if you think about it please. Thanks!

Amaaaaaaazing

Okay, so the weather today... incredible. The second I stepped foot outside today to get the mail, it was as though a cloud had been lifted. You see, I had woken up this morning so groggy and still ridiculously tired from a long day yesterday. The only thing that helped me fall asleep last night, after lying in bed for forty minutes, was thinking about bouldering problems. It was literally the only thing I could think of that would keep my mind preoccupied and not wandering to everything else going on in my life.

On a sidenote, I have decided that is why I find climbing so stimulating. When you're outside and hiking or kayaking, etc, you can think of a lot of things if you let yourself go. Don't get me wrong, it's still a good way to get into the quiet and gain some perspective, but it's not what climbing is. When you're climbing, you can't think about anything but what you're doing right then. The only negative and positive thoughts that cross my mind are those about the rock, about how I'm going to make it to the top or where my hand is going to go next, whether who ever is belaying me really has a good hold or how soon it will be before my legs give out. It's fantastic, and even thinking about it is a great way to still the mind and fall asleep. So, there.

Back to today. Bright, airy, with a cool warmness that stimulates not only the body, but the mind and the heart as well, this morning gave me hope. I drove to work with the windows down and Ray Lamontagne playing on my car stereo; impulsively, I pulled over at Belmont and ran up a couple of flights to give my fiance a hug and kiss to start the day. Work was not nearly as consuming as it has been the last couple of days, although still enough that walking outside, across campus to class, reinvigorated the feelings of the morning. I turned my cell phone on silent, slid my sunglasses on, and just sat, with eyes closed, and basked in sunlight until it was time to go into class. We came in the room and immediately opened the windows, rearranged the desks, and are doing our best to engage in classwork with the world so alive outside. It's working, actually - gives me reason to end this entry and get back to class, considering the purpose of reflection in service-learning and catching a breeze, every now and again, of stirring evening air. Ah, amazing.

p.s. Five months until the wedding. Woo!

So Much Stuff

Do you ever just feel nervous for no reason at all? Occasionally this happens to me: I find myself in the middle of doing something and notice that sort of anxious feeling associated with being nervous. I think, "what in the world?" and after coursing through my mental path taken over the last however long, I can usually pinpoint some sort of agitation or at least see how a combination of things lead to that feeling. It sucks, really - it's like my brain registers for one moment that I am disturbed and even if I am no longer thinking about that thing, my body continues to follow suit. There's a disconnect then, because I feel like something is in my gut but I have no idea quite what or if I do, why it's still even there.

This happens a lot when I've got too much stuff on my plate. Even just now, the nervous episode I was talking about had to do with the fact that for a week, I have been trying to coordinate the schedules of seventeen undergraduates to find one common weekly training time. Their schedules just don't align and that means we're probably going to have to schedule them for 7am in the morning sometime during the week (enter anxiety). Already, my schedule is so full with work outside of my regular work hours, not to mention class and what I should be doing for class (reading, writing papers, studying-most of which I'm finding difficulty doing), the thought of tacking on another meeting makes my insides crawl. But it's what I have to do, I guess.

That's the challenge I have been facing so far this semester... to step it up when it feels like there's no room left to step - while still balancing everything I carry. Because I am not just my assistantship or my schoolwork, I am not just my wedding or my relationship with Cliff, I should be a friend too and haven't really had the time to be that to some people who mean a lot to me. I haven't really expressed that, I don't think, because there's a grace I know I have and an understanding I hope the world has for a person who is just busy, so busy even extra effort has to be made to keep up the most important thing in my life which is my relationship to God and time for myself. Whatever that means for me, whether it's being active, spending time in prayer, reading, journaling or just being... I'm not willing to let that out of the equation either right now.

So yeah, that's where I'm at - I don't know that it's a matter of priorities so much as it is making the most of my time and hoping that any aspect of my life that gets short-changed will persevere through this season, whether it's my grades, my friendships, or my level of sanity. I just hate that anxious feeling and I'm going to do my best to keep it at bay and find both content and peace no matter what the next few months look like.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Getting It Done

I cannot take that final breath of sweet relief, but dagnabbit I'm close - and that's what matters now more than later. What am I talking about, you ask? School, yes, school. Unlike a number of my closest graduated friends, save a few, I am waist deep* in what seems a distant memory of semester-endings full of papers, presentations, and for the lucky, an exam or two. (*It is important to note that I am now only waist-deep and no longer "up to my eyeballs" in this stuff like I was, just a few days ago.) I cannot complain, though, of my apparent lack of fortune to be now facing my fifth (count that, five) close of a Fall Semester.

What sometimes appears a grievous misfortune, as I'm coming to find, really isn't all that bad - on several accounts. Since I just finished the seventh page of a twenty-page paper, I will start with the more academic reasons. I wrote an email a little earlier to a friend and described these past few and next week as a whirlwind, one I should have added is benefiting my mind ever so studiously. I have not ever done so much analysis and research on varied aspects of one topic (that being higher education) in my whole life, and while the task in preparation and execution is daunting, the gradual completion of steps here and there along the way not only boosts my mental capacity but my belief in my abilities as a thinker, and especially as a writer. I am usually known to run as far away from pleasure-writing when swamped with academic-writing (a trend also seen in reading), yet, here I am. And why? Because I'm nipping the habit of looking at academic challenge as a chore, straight in the bud (I say this now, hold me to it in late-April, please).

In a matter of a few days, I have reflected deeply upon an individual's position of leadership over me and how my own leadership that duration of time was affected by it. I know who I am as a leader and especially who I want to be in leadership positions to come because of that experience, and was able to write a decent-lengthed paper on it that is due in just a few days. Too, I know a great deal more about the civil rights movement and its effect on higher education than I may have ever thought possible (and I'm only scratching the surface). I have been excited about this paper all along, a topic chosen by me about mid-Fall as an extension of my intrigue from last spring's studies with Vaughn May on "Southern Politics since 1954." I finally came up with a title, today, after sticking with "Higher Education and the Civil Rights Movement" for about a month. The new title? "Higher Education and Civil Rights: The Struggle and Triumph of Black Americans"

I have a consistently growing list of sources for this paper that right now, sits at about eight - and I am taking pride in that. And not one of those academician-type prides, but a simple recognition of what will hopefully be a successful demonstration of a new type of scholarship - one I never really had the ability to show in undergrad. I have thirteen pages left to write and two more five to six page essays due in about a week. And then after that? Yeah... then comes the other, more sociable and personal aspect of why I love being in graduate school right now.

Break, ah, wonderful Christmas (or winter, for more generalist types) break. That's yet another whirlwind, but one I've never looked forward to more - even in undergraduate. There's just something about knowing that after I turn in my last assignment next Wednesday, that I have complete leisure to close up shop (figuratively of course, I work in an office) and take a B-R-E-A-K. And this will be a break well-spent. Next Thursday, Cliff and I are heading to Park City, Utah to spend four days with our friend Aaron, skiing and taking in what I hope will be both an exciting and relaxing time in the Rockies. Should I mention I have never seen the Rockies except by plane? Oh, and I've never been skiing before, either. And then? I come back to Nashville, and get myself together for ten days with family - ten days I am so very much looking forward to, despite my lack of preparations (i.e. gift-buying) for the holidays.

I think, if I came empty-handed, though (which won't happen because I at least have a few things), not much would be lost. I'm just excited about Christmas this year - the first time I will spend Christmas day with both Mom & Co. and Dad & Co. Several people have asked me if I'm stressed out about flying on Christmas day, and I have to say, coming up with that plan was everything I needed to relieve stress. I didn't have to pick one or the other, this year, I got to pick both. For someone like me, who has experienced that almost her whole life, or at least before a child has the ability to truly store away memories - that... that is a gift beyond all measure. I get to be with my family this Christmas, not "with my dad" or "with my mom." This will be our first Christmas in the new house in Virginia and our last Christmas in the "old" house (that's a relative term) in Maryland.

So, here's to getting it done. And as I just informed my supervisor, that's the proper way of saying what my carpetbagger self really wants to say (and has been leaving you in suspense about, with the Larry the Cable Guy intro-photo), which is...

GIT 'ER DONE!

Into December

Wow. Life is crazy. It's amazing that I'm sitting here a wee bit sickly (sniffle, sniffle - cough, cough) and all I want to tell you is how good life is. Good not because of circumstances, but simply because it is. I lost sight of that, honestly. I sat in church on Sunday after a few days of Thanksgiving-ness and everything that travelling and visiting extended family (I mean, they practically are) is - including watching children and dogs, traversing the farm, running errands, and spending time with loved ones and felt like I had breathed for the first time in a week. It was a good, long, deep breath that was full of gratitude (finally) and a reawakening of my perception of how much I have to truly be thankful for.

Even this cold. And the multitude of papers and projects due in the next two weeks. And especially the last week and a half that I have spent with one of God's greatest blessings to me. Seriously. I cannot even begin to describe how good it is to be with Cliff again - in whatever capacity we are together, both good and bad, easy and challenging, we are a team. Now, more so than ever. It's amazing the lessons we've learned in the last two years - especially in five months apart - I can only hope we are lucky enough to learn many more...

I started thinking a few days ago about the New Year's resolutions I wrote up just before the start of this year - I don't know that I kept the sheet, but I can recall a few and proudly say that I have accomplished many of them, most of which have been lifetime struggles and dreams of mine. As December approaches, I've started to think a lot about next year - not planning or scheming - just wondering with open and excited curiousity at all that God has planned.

I think that I have begun to realize more, the capacity to which I am able to achieve - especially when I place trust not in myself, but in He who sustains me. There is much to be excited about in the days to come, no matter how discontented I believe I may be sometimes with what is often routine or everyday about my life. Everyday can be an adventure - everyday can be a lesson and a triumph over living complacently. And that's because following God requires faith - faith that yesterday, today, and tomorrow are all in His hands and that's easy to forget, here - but Cliff mentioned the other day, what an opportunity we have here in America - of all places - to build faith in a land where it is hardly needed.

Cohesive? Hardly - but it's what's on my mind. And you're probably not surprised to know there's a whole lot more. But there's time for that...

Reality Check

It is October. That is wonderful for a thousand reasons, most of which is that October has consistently been a month of fascinating travel experiences for me that ultimately add to my life in some way or another. I am sure this one will not prove to let me down with my first trip abroad taking place in merely seventeen days. I think about that, at times, well really who am I kidding - most of the time - and it sort of catches my breath each time it comes to recollection and registers with my brain. I am leaving the country in two and a half weeks. Gulp.

The preparations for this trip have consumed most of my life, leaving me sort of discontent with life as it is until I go. I am on a quest to get started on all of the academic and professional work I will have waiting for me when I return. I constantly evaluate the amount of funding I have raised and all that is left to pick up, supply-wise. Everyday is like this constant battle to try and live just today and stop working so hard to get ready for tomorrow.

This discontent seeps through into all areas of my life, when I let it. I check out of classes, barely paying attention to what I'm reading and processing in class. I take work for what it is and wonder where the moments of passion and purpose are in the things I am accomplishing, because at times it all seems so pointless. I question everything about my current lifestyle - how I eat, what I read, how active I am. And most of all I wonder constantly whether I am really doing anything of significance with my life? I have felt this way over the last serveral days, wanting to just cast off everything and live in the woods or something. I mean, I don't know - it's just how I think sometimes.

And then comes the reality check.

Going to Africa is going to be a hugely impactful experience in my life. However, who am I to think that is less than just one of many? How could all of this not be the work of God in my life? Vanderbilt, my assistantship, Nashville, my friendships, and all. I mean I know it's not nearly as raw and simplistic as a life spent serving abroad (which is secretly a passion of mine) and at times, if I let it, can be very much "the grind" or "the rat race" that many Americans spend their days living. And it's not all as "lost and forgone" as I sometimes like to believe it is; I am not on my own and there is work to do.

I don't to live by the world's standards and I think I'm starting to realize I don't want to live by my own, either. Because to many degrees, they are polarizing. There is a happy medium and it involves seeing God in your everyday life, whether you're riding a landcruiser for hours on a bumpy road just to bring hope to a remote African village or perusing the stacks of a historic library for research sources at a top-20 university. And the people... there's people everywhere in need, even some of the wealthiest, smartest, and most sociable of my classmates and students are searching for something more than what they have. And as much as I am blessed to be in preparation for my trip to Tanzania, I am just as blessed to spend hours everyday at a university where people are passionate about learning and education (among other things... but that's another story).

Let me live each day with these intention of being "all there" wherever I am, like the great Jim Elliot quote. Maybe this October will be equally enriching because of the ten minute trip I take everyday through morning rush hour traffic to be right in the middle of this city, at the heart of this campus - experiencing the development, first-hand, of some of this nation's brightest students.

Funny, too, that written above me here on the wall of a place where I sometimes question God's presence is this quote by George Peabody, for whom this particular college is named after: "I have prayed my heavenly Father day by day that I might be enabled before I died to shew my gratitude for the blessings which He had bestowed upon me by doing some great good to my fellow men."

Yeah, that's what it's about.