UM, YES, HELLO...

HOTTEST MAN ALIVE.




Nice to meet you.

Oh wait, you're my husband! [Swoons]

This is what my darling looked like when Zach tested out his strobe set-up for the wedding they were shooting on Saturday. I tagged along as a third-shooter, and Cliff got to play assistant. (And looked mighty fine while doing so, don't you think?)

I didn't even ask permission* to post this here, but I just had to show him off. Lordy, be.

*credits: God, of course for making Cliff so handsome and Zach Gray, for being the excellent photographer and lighting guru who snapped this photo.

Bye, Bye Weekend

Well, stink.

I just looked at the clock and I've got 2.5 hours before I head off to Belmont for the rest of the day. Tower Team Leader selection is well under way and tonight we cap it off with the group process "interview," so it's a little less like work and a bit more like play but it still requires going into work on the weekend. And leaving my poor shmoopy behind.

Cliff's parents came in yesterday afternoon to keep him company while I was gone for most of the day (right at about twelve hours!) on a shoot with Zach and Jody. He's needing to get some work done on our cars so his dad offered to help him navigate the joys of changing your own oil, etc. They'll be in until later this afternoon, so I think after sleeping in this morning (that was nice), we're about to go grab brunch somewhere.

So, the mornings were officially my weekend. Cliff and I didn't do much of anything yesterday morning except enjoy a nice quiet breakfast at Dotson's, take a trip to the library, and hop around different auto stores for Cliff to scout out his supplies. It was so nice and normal and then before I knew it, he was dropping me off at the Grays'. Last night's wedding was quite the experience and I'm thankful to Zach and Jody for bringing me along and for always teaching me so much!

I sure was pooped, though by the time I got home and greeted my dear husband who had waited up long after he needed to, to welcome my tired-legged and groggy-eyed self in the door.

Well, I'm off to ready myself for the day. Hope you all have had a great weekend!

Auf Wiedersehen, Goodnight

We (namely me) are sufficiently stuffed with cake and Hors d'Oeuvres.
My images from the wedding are uploaded (and one, blogged).
Cliff was an amazing husband who got his hair cut and cleaned the apartment in my absence.
Lots of laughs were shared with Cliff's co-workers over punch and delectable mashed potatoes.

And while it has been a wonderful day for these reasons and others, I am finally caving in to my progressive sickliness and hitting the hay. I have nothing resembling anything close to a voice, and I hate that. As if the discomfort of sinus issues wasn't enough, I've gone and lost my ability to speak without making myself and everyone around me cringe. It's possibly one of the most debilitating things, and the few times it's ever happened have been really, really frustrating.

But I'm trying not to let it get to me, and I think I've been a pretty good sport. Sometimes, though, I think it's okay to throw in the towel for the night and rest in the comfort of your husband's arms, the lull of a good football game, and a nice shot of Tylenol Sore Throat.

Hope you've all had a great Saturday!

Some Wedding and Honeymoon Highlights

Ah, well, first there was the ceremony:

Dad walking me down the aisle (made having a traditional wedding so worth it)


"You may now kiss your bride!"


First debut as Mr. and Mrs. Neeley


And we're off!


Great reception - typical me stealing Cliff's food (he got me back, though).


Lots of dancing (SO MUCH FUN!)


Cutting our beautiful cake (too bad this isn't a shot of us shoving it in each other's faces)


Everyone showering us with love (and bubbles) as we left (and got in the Rolls Royce limo headed for Union Station)




And then there was the honeymoon in St. Lucia, West Indies:

An attempt at showing you a 180 view from our Honeymoon Suite patio (that's the Caribbean sea) that we were greeted and surprised with Monday morning.


Our made-to-order room service we had just about every morning out on the patio


Lounging on the beach with tasty beverages


The swim-up bar in the middle of one of their five pools


Relaxing, at it's best


Us on the Spirit of Carnival catamaran for the "Adventure Sea Cruise" (with the Pitons in the background)


The sea cruise took us down the west coast to Soufriere, a fishiving village at the base of the Pitons


The view from the villa we had lunch at


Once on land, we went to the Sulphur Springs drive-in Volcano...


and the botanical gardens (that's a bird-of-paradise - like, from Superman)...


and the diamond waterfall.



After spending the late morning in Soufriere, we got back on the boat and headed back north to go snorkeling (we snorkled twice in St. Lucia!)





We even sailed alongside the ship that was used as the Black Pearl in "Pirates" - cool, huh?


We loved sailing on the catamaran so much, we got back on the next night for the Evening Sunset Cruise (that's where the picture from the last entry was taken)


Besides spending time on the catamaran, on the beach, and at the pool, we even took out the hobiecat, water-trike, and a jet-ski.



And you know us, if there's a mountain near by, we're going to hike it - so we just walked down the beach to the end of the islet that our resort was on to Pigeon Island National Park


We hiked both peaks, one which housed a fort and the other, higher point, was used as a Signal Peak


Signal Peak had a great view of our resort


It was so sad to say goodbye to room 2409...


We spent our last morning playing a rousing game of Scrabble (I swear I had every vowel in the bag)


And took off that afternoon headed back to the US (that's an aerial view of the islet)...





I miss this:



But it's nice to be back. More on "being back" later.


p.s. the official wedding pictures by Zach and Jody are up - if you'd like to see them and don't already have the information you need to see them, let me know!

We're Hitched!

'Bout time, isn't it? Well, I hate to break it to you, but there's so much going on right now that I don't really have a ton of time to share all of the details of the last two weeks. But they've been amazing. A dream and a whirlwind, really.

The whole wedding was beautiful - more wonderful than I ever even hoped and the exact opposite of everything I feared. So many loved ones, family and friends; everyone was so gracious and complimentary, smiling and easy-going. Every detail seemed to blend into the overall level of love and joy that was tangible from the moment I set foot in the chapel to sitting in the Rolls Royce on the way to Union Station for our first night. I am so thankful to have experienced that day and to relive it through pictures (only a few so far, the main online album will be finished soon) and conversations with family and friends.

And the honeymoon (during which this picture was taken) was incredible. For those of you who didn't know (as I did) beforehand, we spent five days and nights in St. Lucia which is one of the eastern- and southern-most islands in the Caribbean. We stayed at the Sandals Grande resort on the island (one of three there) and enjoyed every relaxing, pampering, and exciting minute of it all. It really was hard to come back, but again, pictures and memories keep it alive, especially since it's just a week since our return home.

Speaking of home, we've been setting up shop pretty much since our arrival back late Friday evening. New furniture, pots, and all sorts of gifts are finding their way into proper places all throughout the apartment. It has both tedioius and fun moments, but overall the feeling of "our's" makes it all worth it. Doing all that and changing my name (which of course, is like an eighteen step process), along with starting back at work (which is a little different these days) at Vandy andBelmont, have kept both of us pretty busy. Cliff's had a huge week at work amidst playing catch up and I'm starting mostly from ground zero all over again.

But it's good and we are so incredibly blessed.

p.s. I'm Mrs. Neeley.

The Whirlwind

Today's been pretty productive. Had breakfast with Cliff, dropped off a car full of donations at the Goodwill station, got more ribbon for the programs, got the table tents printed at Kinko's, hung out with my mom, brother, and sister for a little while, greeted my dad and sue when they arrived at the hotel, made my ring pillow (with Molly's wonderful instruction), got Cearra fitted for her dress, took a decent-lengthed nap, had dinner with my dad and Sue at Sperry's (mmm, filet mignon). Dinner was surprisingly lighthearted, which was very nice - made going into Thursday and Friday and Saturday a whole lot easier.

Everyday, things have a way of ebbing and flowing, and it's nice. The level of emotional and physical stress is so vastly different this week than last and I couldn't be more grateful, even if I am still a little sick. I'd rather be experiencing the remnants of last week than be living it all over again.

I'm just so... ready. I don't know any other way to explain it. Saturday can't come soon enough, and I know everyone says it'll go by so fast you'll hardly remember it - which I do, I mean, I want to remember it - but I'm ready for the next phase.

That's all.

3 Random Things You Might Not Know About Cliff and I
1. Our favorite ride at Disneyland is definitely Indiana Jones
2. We own National Parks Passports and get them stamped all the time when we travel
3. The first meal we ever shared together (on our first date) was at Panera and he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I had (because I had already eaten dinner) a rasberry brownie

Keep On Truckin'

My cold or whatever it is started sneaking up again yesterday - nasty sore throat and nasal congestion. In an hour I'll be at the student health center making sure it's not something bacterial, because then if it is, I can get some antibiotics and be on my way to wellness with plenty of time before Saturday.

Cliff and I had breakfast together again this morning, which was really nice. Shoney's breakfast buffet, hot tea, another countdown card (he's written me a card both yesterday and today), and a nice little surprise were a good start to an otherwise painful morning. Cliff is treating me to an hour long massage on Friday at Iz's spa. Oh my - can't wait. That and Sara's pampering me with a mani/pedi on Friday, as well. Hopefully any potentially stressful situations will be over and done with by then and that'll get me nice and loosened up and chill for rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, and the big day! Four days... wow.

My honeymoon bags are packed, the bridesmaids gifts are wrapped, and my mom, brother, and sister are getting into town today. It's amazing.

Four of the Many Reasons Why I Love Cliff
1. He is so much fun to be around - sometimes it drives me up a wall, but the stuff that comes out of his mouth and the things he thinks up for us to do make my life so interesting and humorous I can hardly stand it. I love laughing with him.
2. His love, care, and encouragement of me are incredibly dynamic. My life has taken on such a different level of intensity, purpose, and meaning since he walked into my life and it just gets moreso that way everyday. He challenges me, more than anyone I've ever known, to be the woman I was made by God to be.
3. His strength and determination. I have seen him grow so much over the last couple of years and have come to really be able to rely on him to help pick me up and move me forward when I'm struggling. He fights for me, he fights for us... he just fights.
4. How proud he is of where he's from - I'd never known anything like that before and it's really given me an incredible longing and desire to make him proud to be where he is right now, also. I love where he is form, too.

More More More

8 Favorite Nicknames I Have Had for Cliff in the last 2.7 Years
(in no particular order)
1. Shmoopy
2. Boozer
3. Boo
4. Pookie
5. Doodle
6. Stud
7. Baby
8. Snuggle Puppy

(Sorry I missed, yesterday)

I am living in a world of cardboard boxes and screened phone calls right now (don't worry, I'm not screening everyone's calls, only the people I think might have anything to say that would stress me out right now). My throat/nose is feeling mostly better after popping nyquil, vitamin c, echinecea, lots of orange juice, and ibuprofen. I'm pretty dang proud of myself for getting healthier pretty quick, because the last thing I need to be is sick.

I have too many boxes left to pack, accounts left to change addresses and names on, too many family members to prepare for the arrival of, and too much joy and excitement left to experience these SEVEN days before our wedding.

Want to know what's left to do?
Print programs at Kinko's, hole punch, and tie ribbon on them.
Print directions insert from church to Neely.
Print 18 table number cards.
Finalize seating arrangements.
Spray-paint a bird cage.
Make the ring pillow.
Get the bridesmaids dresses finished.
Make signs for directions from Belmont parking to Neely.
Distribute rehearsal/day-of agenda information to everyone in wedding party.
Pack for the honeymoon (oh Paradise, come soon)

Not too bad, huh?

I memorized my vows, yesterday. That's a plus!

And today's the big moving day! At 12pm, Cliff goes in to sign the lease - at 2pm, I pack Jake up in the car and go pick Aaron up from the airport and head down to Cool Springs - drop him off to get Cliff's car (which is packed with boxes from his place) and then go to the complex. There, I will sign the lease and head over to the apartment where Cliff's parents will be waiting with a UHaul full of our new (antique, passed down, but very nice) bedroom suit, dining room table and chairs, china cabinet, and cedar chest, as well as our new washer and dryer which they bought for us (YES YES YES!), and all of our wedding gifts from the Cleveland shower. Aaron and Zach will play hefty-men, helping bring the furniture and boxes up while I figure out how to manage a 15-month old and play some role in helping. Eventually, I will give up because he will get cranky and I'll come back to Nashville, wait for Jake's mom to come home, and head over to my apartment to load my first round of boxes into my car and wait for the boys to come by with the UHaul once Cliff gets off of work and loads up the remaining boxes and furniture from his place. We will then load up the rest of my boxes and furniture into the UHaul and head back down to Franklin.

Our goal by the end of this evening is for him to be completely out of his place and for me to have only what's in my bathroom and closets left, which I will work on packing up while they have a "guy's weekend" and move in by myself this weekend or sometime on Monday with Aaron's help. Once all that's done, I'll have an airbed, all of the things I need for the wedding, toiletries, the clothes I need for the week, and my honeymoon bags (because I'll pack one for "beachy" and one for "outdoor adventurey" as I was instructed) with me still in Nashville.

We're crazy... I know. But having all of that done makes facing next week seem that much easier. So wish us luck!

(This is for after noon, today)

7 Random Songs That Will Appear on the Reception Playlist
1. "If You Fall" - Azure Ray
2. "Underneath the Arches" - Flanagan and Allen
3. "Cruisin'" - Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis
4. "Eight Days A Week" - Beatles
5. "Is This Love" - Bob Marley and the Wailers
6. "Groove is in the Heart" - Deee-Lite
7. "The Loco-motion" - Little Eva

Don't Own That Emotion

Did it again. This time... this time I didn't cry. (Inner victory dance.) I sure was pissed though and highly emotional (my voice may have wavered). And I am so dang tired of fighting, I don't care what the heck "everyone" thinks. And this time, it wasn't about it being in Nashville (well, for like a minute it was), it was about photography. I mean, seriously - just because "no one in our family" has spent more than $500 on photography doesn't make me selfish. I'll just be glad for next Friday when it's not my job to deal with everyone, anymore - it'll be Amy's and she's excited to lay in to anyone who gives her crap.

Alright, done. On to better, happier things.

I just found out it was really 9 days, not 10. It's 10 days minus 5 hours if you're going by time... but if you're going by date, there are only 9 days standing between the current one and the 21st. (Time is SO confusing).

In honor of that, I'm going to (try to) do a list everyday of something pertaining to the wedding/marriage. If I miss a day (like 10, which was ACTUALLY yesterday), I'll make up for it and maybe they'll get more creative as the day goes on.

Top 10 Highlights of my Wedding Planning Experience
(in no particular order)
1. Sara stocking my wedding planning library with her own books and mags
2. Elizabeth (the woman I babysit for), practically throwing bride-imprinted tank tops, boxers, underwear, and garters at me, out of her closet
3. Having people ask me who my wedding coordinator has been and telling them myself (and then Amy the rehearsal and day-of)
4. Checking things off our theknot.com to-do list
5. Carrying around my little pink spiral pocket notebook practically every step I've taken since (haha, before) we were engaged
6. Getting "permission" to start a couple of weeks in advance of Big Frog (because I knew it was coming, just didn't know when and where)
7. Buying my first bridal magazine (and then my second, and my third, and fourth)
8. Getting stronger every time a challenge arises (even if I do cry)
9. Seeing the change in Cliff's role in the whole thing - the man can't stop asking me if he can do anything to help right now (it's awesome)
10. Realizing that even if everything else doesn't go my way, the best thing about that day is

The 9 Funniest Things That Have Happened During Our Engagement
(in no particular order)
1. My bachelorette party (the cookie-cake, broken straw, "I can't ask you to marry me, but can I ask to buy you a drink?" and everything else that I won't mention)
2. Getting my first piece of lingerie (in front of practically every female member of my family, including my grandmothers)
3. The "first night" lists
4. "Losing" my ring at the pool with Molly (it fell of my towel onto the ground)
5. When Cliff grabbed my butt during our engagement photo shoot - classic
6. When I took my ring in to get replated and insisted on seeing the one inclusion in my diamond so that when I picked it up I would know it was mine, which was pretty close to impossible considering you can barely see it in the first place and my ring was dirty and she said "um, it only takes like 5 minutes to replate this" and I laughed and acted like I knew that.
7. When I started getting random e-mails from people at Belmont to say congratulations because they found out the news on Sara's facebook
8. Getting a card at our shower in Cleveland that was literally addressed "Cliff and ?"
9. Finding out that blue and orange are the season's "it" colors after months of people saying "hmm... that's interesting" like the colors had never before even graced the same surface, let alone air space.


p.s. Seeing this week started off with a bang in the emotional distress department, I believe I am coming down with a cold or something that isn't quite right because the top of the back of my mouth where the nose stuff drips is sore. Please, please please please pray.

Just Sounding Off

I kind of feel like I woke up in an alternate universe, today. I really can't explain it. Everything just feels a bit off. I'm kind of hoping that might fade with the morning...

Anyways. This weekend was nice - hot - but nice. Flugtag, Hot Diggity Dogs, and watching the Gonas boys on Saturday. Church, Pre-Marital Counseling (last session!), and Bridal Portrait yesterday. I turned two hundred and seventy-seven months yesterday (haha); isn't it funny how parents of young children (often infants/toddlers) answer their childrens' ages in months and not year estimations. Like Jake - he's not just "a little over a year" - he just turned fourteen months last Tuesday. And, I digress (okay, so maybe things aren't that off.)

Points of Information:
-I'm now on the third book of Emily Giffin's
-today is the first of five days left that I have of nannying
-we're going to get our marriage license this week
-I'm having all of my bridesmaids, save Cearra (who comes in Friday!) over tonight for a fitting and dinner (looks like the menu changed and we'll be doing ravioli instead of lasagna, ladies)
-I discovered two new food sites, which make me particularly happy

(Those are all things I did not feel like writing in paragraph form, especially as they have little relation to each other.)

As for my bridal portrait shoot yesterday, I can't rave enough about it. I had a blast and was so well taken care of by people who aren't just professionals but (THANK THE LORD) are also wonderful friends. After counseling, I got in my car and headed over to The Factory to Iz's day spa. Because I had planned on her doing my hair and make-up, she offered to let us use the spa for some of the studio shots. So essentially, we did most everything there with me all dolled up and music playing in the background. Zach and Jody brought bottles of water, cheese, grapes, crackers - it was awesome. I had been really nervous about the whole day in general - not that my expectations were low of the work that they all would do, but really how I was going to look, feel, etc. Well, I felt incredible and we had a great time. After a couple of settings inside the spa, we took a few shots at one of the entrances to The Factory, and then drove over (yes, I drove my car in my wedding dress) to the Riverview residence. Riverview is this old historic house (that people live in and run stables out of) with magnolia trees and stone walls and iron gates and it just has that really rustic, old-southern feel that I was hoping for for some outside pictures. It was great.

I ended the day by riding down 65 in my wedding dress, laughing that I had been so, I don't know, worried about the day. It was great, and a nice bit of practice for the big Big Day which is now in (not believing my eyes - I actually had to rub them) 26 days.

P.S.

In case you were wondering, when I updated my layout yesterday, there was a theme.

Banner? (stained glass in the chapel where we're getting married)
Black? (color of bridesmaids dresses and, well, tuxes)
White? (uh, duh)
Orange? (color of flowers)
Blue? (color of decorative accents)
Picture? (from our shower in Cleveland - matchy matchy!)

I thought with a month to go it was time to get all wedding themed - I even changed my ringer to Pachelbel's "Canon in D" which will play when my lovely bridesmaids walk down the aisle.

Wow, I actually just got choked up thinking about what that will look and sound like as I stand behind the door waiting to go in after them. Whew - don't forget to bring my Kleenex!

It Never Fails...

But this time, it was different. I cried, sure - I mean, no matter how hard I try - I can't help but cry. I'm a crier. In the midst of tears, though, I asserted myself - I asserted myself, because this time I was fed up. Sick and tired. Exhausted. Over it. I was over the drama that has been playing out for months over minor details that turn into the same thing over and over again. And it's not any one person's fault - really - it's just everything, everyone.

We are not getting married in Maryland, we are not getting married in Virginia Beach, and we are not getting married in Cleveland. We are getting married in Nashville. This... this is my home. It's not about anything but that, and I'm tired of being sorry if it appears otherwise. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for the people are who are making such great big sacrifices to join us here in July. And that's the point - we're going to be here, getting married in July (in 39 days) and it's no use bringing up a different point that's moot and wouldn't have been an option to begin with.

I'm the one in the middle, and for the most part - that's left me feeling overwhelmed and kind of bitter that no one else is dealing with all of the stuff I'm dealing with. But today, I realized how useless bitterness is in light of the blessing this challenge can be and what this whole process may be doing to my character... to my will... to my perseverance. It's a learning experience.

We've got big, involved families, both Cliff and I. Big involved families from very different parts of the country (who knew how much of a difference 500+ miles could make) with different customs and stereotypes and opinions about this wedding I'm trying my hardest to mediate on behalf of both, because that's my role in this. Our families don't know each other, and it's been mostly my plight to do the best job at painting the most accurate pictures for both because a great deal of the love in my life is wrapped up in all our parents, siblings, grandparents, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, and cousins (which totals seventy-eight people and that doesn't include our cousins' children).

Why raise a fuss over nothing, right? Be frustrated, sure - we ALL get frustrated. I'm dealing with this more than anyone and I'd put all the money and worldy goods I own on that; even that doesn't give me a right to huff and puff about what I could have had or should have had or anything. But please don't tell me I've lost sight of the big picture. The big picture isn't just about Cliff and I and it's also not solely the great lengths of money or travelling or time (which all, of course, equals sacrifice) that everyone else is making to be at selfish-little ol' Kristine and Cliff's wedding in Nashville, Tennessee. It's a whole heck of a lot more than that - for sure.

I imagined, after I got off the phone feeling stronger and more grounded (though still blubbering and trying to control my crying-pace breathing), pretending like today was one of those days where Jake is my one-day-future-kid and I'm looking at life from the role as a wife and a mother and that being my family. The family that is mine to protect and support with every bit of strength, fire, and passion in my heart, mind and will. The family that everyone else will have their opinions about and their desires for, but that Cliff and I, with God's leading - will make and raise.

And then, you know what I did? I played with Jake, and I spent some time in prayer, I talked to Cliff and my Mom, and went on with the day - running errands and taking care of a darling one-year old. I am not mad, I am just beginning to feel settled in my own skin in a part of me that was always to afraid to speak up, to question, to fight back. No matter what happens in the next 5+ weeks, Cliff and I are beginning a new life together as one, which means one day starting a family, merging two existing families and hopefully accomplishing even more of God's purposes for us while we're here on this earth.

So, there. In past times, I would have walked away from something like this feeling more afraid, more upset, more everything I hate. This time, I felt stronger. Strong enough, even, to answer the phone four hours later, without an inch of anger in my body, and know that everything's going to be okay.

Normal Weekends

It does not feel like a Friday. What day it feels like, I'm not quite sure - Thursday, maybe? I think I'm not ready for the weekend because for what feels like the first in ages, there is nothing of "significance" taking place this weekend. I welcome the change. Wholeheartedly. I mean, don't get me wrong - we've had an incredible time in the way of weekends over the last (month?) but I haven't been home on the weekend since April. For example:

First weekend in May - North Carolina (family stuff)
Second weekend in May - Cleveland (family stuff)
Third weekend in May - Maryland (shower)
Fourth weekend in May - Cleveland (holiday)
First weekend in June - Cleveland (shower)

Cliff has asked me at least five times what I want to do this weekend, and I love saying "whatever." It's awesome! We've talked about going for a bike ride, hanging out at the pool, maybe getting together with some friends, definitely going to church on Sunday and catching up with our long-lost Sunday School friends, maybe running a few wedding errands and getting to work on thank you notes from the last shower.

By the way, about 75 people showed up to the shower last weekend and we got some incredible gifts. A food processor (WOOHOO!), our KitchenAid mixer, sets of dishes, and so much more - it's amazing how generous people can be in celebration of a marriage. Speaking of, as the day draws nigh (I've always wanted to use that word in a blog), I am less and less anxious about it all - I mean, not the marriage, because that's never really been an issue with me... bring it on. But as far as the day itself goes, I am beginning to realize (thanks to the final episode of "Grey's," which I finally watched sometime last week) that while it is a big celebration, it is not the be-all end-all... it is in fact, a singular moment in a normal day that you begin anew and are joined by a lot of really important people. Something goes wrong, or messes up everyday of every person's life and while that is our day, it is also many other people's day and life happens. I'm just excited for what it can be and not what it should be, because how does one dictate that? It is what it is! I am NOT in control.

I am just realizing again and again how not worth it is to get stressed out and particular about some things. I mean, sure, there's a few things on my mind as far as the details that kind of plague me just because it'd be nice to have them checked off the list. But that's not at the forefront of my mind. I have incredibly talented, thoughtful, and creative people that are connected to this special day, from my dearest friends to the cake-lady. I just can't wait to see how it turns out! And in the meantime, I'm pacing myself - working on little projects here and there, trying not to be a pest to people who are themselves working on projects for me, you know how it goes.

So here's to a normal weekend, followed by a string of normal weekends as the days count down... SO EXCITED!

In Maryland

Hmm, can't say I've much been in the mood to write, considering most of what I write these days is about things going on in my life and maybe a little commentary here and there. Not that things going on aren't great, because they are, even if they are sometimes stressful enough to cause tearful fits of crying and not knowing what the heck is wrong with you except that you just want someone to recognize how hard you're trying.

And then instead of just someone, it's a number of people and everything's better. Not to mention, what an undeserved gift it is to be loved by God and to be loved by so many people who just want to... help and be a part of my life and so much more.

Tonight is the eve of my bridal shower tomorrow and I'm stoked. Molly and I got in late last night and spent most of the day today with Kim and Sue running about town getting ready for the shower. Molly bought me a fantastic birthday present today and we lived it up Maryland-style which is, of course, completely normal and though I was afraid at times she might be bored, the lady took it all in stride (I might even say she's having fun!)

You know what else we did today? WE STAMPED, STUFFED, AND SEALED ALL 119 INVITATIONS! They are all set to go out tomorrow morning, and as kind as he is, my dad is letting me have the feeling of holding the stacks in my hands and seeing them off on their merry way. How exciting, right?! To celebrate, we went and got (fantastic) pizza at a new restaurant here in Urbana (which is becoming increasingly more civilized - there's a Starbucks in Giant!) and each had a glass of wine to toast.

And after a long, long day and far too many yawns, I think we're finally going to hit the hay so I can be well-rested for the big day tomorrow. I get to see so many people and celebrate such a joyous time in my life (not to mention, get fun presents for Cliff and me!)

That's all, for now, folks.

Around Here

Sitting on the steps outside my apartment, taking the last few bites of a deliciously fresh strawberry, I am realizing how nice it is to feel content with the singular moments we find ourselves in. Live today.

That's not easy, for sure. I am planning a wedding and am currently in the process of bringing together a lot of different things to create invitations (driving maps, parking maps, written directions, invitation wording, invitation names and addresses) to help my family, who are hours and hundreds of miles away help me move forward with a pretty key component of the process. Don't stress. And no matter how much I would love to do things perfectly and stay on top of every little detail, I have to leave some things to move along without my control. Enjoy the process.

These warm days that are not summer but very much like it are so perfectly exciting. Sure, I hate, sometimes, the feel of my car when I sit in it for the first time after it's been baking in the sun all day. And yeah, it's kind of a bummer that we still have yet to receive our new pool key from the management company. But I haven't yet had time to use the pool and most days, I hardly get into my car because I have been spending my time with two different children on varying days of the week - a darling one year-old named Jake on most Mondays and Wednesdays and this week (at least Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday) a one and a half year-old named Jack and his brand new baby sister (one and a half weeks old!) named Rollen. This is, by far, my busiest week all summer until mid-July and yet, my pace is still leisurely and I am enjoying this much more than I ever expected to - and I expected to enjoy it a lot.

I take walks, push children on swings, teach them new facial expressions and tricks, fix and feed them their breakfasts and lunches, put them down for naps, change their diapers, read them books, entertain and dote on their dogs, pick up after their messes, laugh at their wonder and silly mistakes, and take such pride in their little victories and new discoveries. I am loving my job, even through the hard things like cutting teeth, ear infections, and learning to walk which of course means taking some good spills. Can you tell I want to be a mom?

To a large degree, this is my life right now. I mean, babysitting isn't the whole of it. I had a great weekend with some of my family in North Carolina and probably spent about half my time there on the trampoline that Matthew and Ashlynn got just after Easter, oh, and totally eating up the time I had to spend with Bryan and Julia who grew up like a year in the last four months it has been since I've seen them. They'll be turning two in August and I just can't get over how fast time goes. Matthew is eight, now, Ashlynn, five, and the Rich and Jenn's littlest bring up the rear at almost two. And they are my nieces and nephews, and in about ten weeks I will inherit six more. And then, one day, when my sister and brother are older and married there will hopefully be even more!

Kim and Frank gave me our first wedding gift - an UltraPower KitchenAid Blender which we're really excited about - and in a week, Molly and I will be leaving for my shower in Maryland. I am really excited to see my family and enjoy that weekend but cannot even begin to say how good it will be to have my Mom and sister up for the shower, too. I don't get home much and rarely do I get to (forgive the expression, it's just the only thing I can think of) "kill two birds with one stone," meaning with my parents living four hours away from each other, and it's rare that I am spending time in the company of both, unless of course it's a graduation.

I am just, well, content. I don't know how else to put it. I have the time and peace of mind to take pleasure in little things and in people. I went to the library on Monday and checked out five books, only one of which I had ever heard of. I stopped by the produce stand on the side of the road on my way home yesterday and picked up a tomato, a pint of strawberries, three kiwis, and an avocado (which I promptly turned into homemade guacamole when I got home and ate them with pita chips I made myself!). I took one of my favorite students to the climbing gym on Tuesday, and last night, Cliff and I ate dinner at McDougal's (it had been WAY too long) and walked to Dragon Park to enjoy a beautiful evening.

Ah. Now to find this contentment and joy in other seasons of life... like in school and work. It's hard to imagine truly being able to do that without just finding ways outside of it to feel alive. I have been praying for all of this time I have to be spent wisely, to be foundational in a way, and to really give me fuel for the new life that will begin for me in July and the old life that needs reviving which will return again come August. I want to be a person who is wholly alive and fully free in all circumstances. Even in times not as largely carefree as these seem to be.

SO Excited!

Okay, seriously, my day (and a good portion of my life) has just been made like three (or four, or or five) times over.

1. I spent the afternoon with Molly looking at fabric at Joann's, getting the materials for the bridesmaids' dresses and having a long good talk over Las Palmas in Franklin.
2. My mom called to let me know she got her invitation for my Bridal Shower (AH!) that will be in Maryland at my Dad's (hosted by my awesome step-sister Kim and step-sister in law Jenn) on the 19th and that she and my seester (who is also my Maid of Honor) are definitely driving up from VA Beach to come.
3. I visited Cliff at work!
4. Molly totally booked a flight today to COME WITH ME to my shower in MD! No one's been home with me in forever (since Spring Break '03) and she'll get to meet SO many of my family members (and they, her), she's a GREAT travel companion, and I'll have not just one but two of my bridesmaids with me!

And now I'm off to have dinner with Amy Coles whom I haven't had more than a five minute conversation with in months, then go climbing with Calais and the boys, then come home and finish packing to head out to North Carolina for an unplanned but welcome weekend of festivities with my dad, stepmom, Kim & Frank and the kids, and Rich & Jenn and the kids. My niece's birthday party is Saturday morning, my nephew's First Communion is Saturday evening, we're having a party later for that, AND we're celebrating all of the May/June birthdays (me, Sue, Rich) either Friday night or Sunday morning so we don't have to do it when I'm up there for my shower.

AH! SO excited!

What A Weekend!

So Saturday was great and Starbucks and photography rolled into watermelon ribs and great company at Loveless Cafe. AND! Jody and Zach offered to do our engagement photos in addition to everything else they're already taking care of for us, so yesterday after church and introducing Cliff to Calypso Cafe (yum) we ran errands and then spent the late afternoon early evening at Belmont totally being shmoopy and loving every second of having poparazzi for the first time in our lives. We're excited to see how the pictures turned out!

I'm sitting in Sarrat Student Center having finished up a meeting, signing a book for Virginia Tech and donning a ribbon while being videod by Channel 2 and 5, and eating strawberries. A huge chunk just fell from my fingers and landed on my keyboard but I can't complain, they're just that good. Ah, and so cheap too - they've been like $1.99 a quart at Kroger for the last month. And I love strawberries.

I had a dream last night that an event was planned at Belmont for the 21st of July in Neely and that we got bumped for our reception. It was devastating and I woke up half-believing it... and then I remembered how good it has felt lately to get so many things "in the bag" and there's little room for having anything end up disastrously but just enough that keeps things exciting and a wee-bit out of our control.

So now, I must focus - but not on the wedding or the news or what's going on in the world except for the final case that's due for Org Theory tomorrow and my final reflection paper that's due for Service-Learning on Friday. Everything else but that is play, so it's time to get to work. And now that my strawberries are finished and every browser but this one is closed, I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty. I'll report back when all is said and el-donezo!

To the Tune of "Three Blind Mice"

Three-ee months,
three whole months!
See how they fly,
see how they fly!
Soon enough
I will say "I do"
to my favorite man
and my shmoopy-doo!
Can you believe
we'll be married soon,
in three-ee months?!

Wow. That was awesome.
Haha.

So do you know what today marks? Yep, you've got it - three months. Three months to the day and date as today is Saturday, April 21, 2007 and we shall marry on Saturday, July 21, 2007. Holy cow, I'm excited!

There's been a lot of money flowing out lately (thanks Mom! thanks Dad!) to secure a few more things. Cliff's parents came into town yesterday to see the chapel and since we'd be in, Lil told me I could go ahead and fill out the paperwork, pay the deposit, and confirm the date. And so, we have it! And that is probably one of the greatest feelings of relief I will have in this whole process (except for it culminating 90 days from now) and it's perfect - cute, cozy, and unique just like us. And how we stumbled upon it!

Today we are meeting up with Zach and Jody to go over the paperwork and sign the contract for photography, which I could not be happier about. I know I've said it before (and I'm seriously not just saying this because Jody occasionally reads this) and I'll say it again, they do great work and especially for people they know and care about and we're lucky to be some of those people. They've been shooting some at friends' weddings lately and the pictures are just so good - I can only imagine how great our's will be come July!

Okay, excuse the wedding madness but I have plenty of reason to celebrate!

Three-ee months, three whole months...

A Weekend Gone By?

Seriously, is anyone else having issues with how quickly the days are moving ahead. I can hardly remember what I did last week, let alone this weekend. I mean, okay, sure, that's an exaggeration - but it does take a moment for me to recall days of working, nights of climbing, and errand running which is largely what my last week involved.

This weekend was nice, despite the fact that I had to work most of the day on Saturday (which really, I can't complain about, because I spent most of the day hanging out with some of my favorite students at Vanderbilt). Besides that and spending some QT with Casey and Sara doing the Belmont Young Alum thing, having a great late night dinner at Bosco's, seeing "300" at the IMAX (despite some unnecessary nudity and gore, it was a cinematic beauty!), and playing a few rounds of Clue (I actually won one!), we did a lot of wedding stuff this weekend. On Friday, I happened to find and purchase the shoes (if you happen to be my fiance, do NOT click on that link - I mean it) I will be wearing with my wedding dress. We also managed to have our second session of premarital counseling yesterday, which was really really great.

Our results from the Foccus survey came in and before finding out what they were, Ken asked us to individually determine what we thought were our two greatest strengths and weaknesses as a couple. Not only were our individual rankings pretty right on with each other, but also with the survey which was a nice confirmation and a healthy way to dig deeper into topics we've been discussing at length like finances, communication, problem-solving, and extended family relations. I'm so blessed to be marrying my best friend, and there's nothing like opening yourself up even more to being challenged and changed by the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. I never imagined how "in-sync" and yet how different two people could be - where we're from (who knew North/South stereotypes really do come into play?), how we were raised (my ever-changing family that is in itself a patchwork and web of intricacies and his highly stable and centralized family), our journeys thus far... but it works - and it works so well. It's amazing to think how much we had figured out going into this, too - I read articles about advise for people who just got engaged to start talking about finances and families and things that Cliff and I have been talking about for a long time. Surprisingly, the area we scored highest on in our survey was "Parenting" - meaning that was the topic on which we were in most agreeance about having and raising children one day. So that's exciting (especially since we're at least a hanful of years out)!

We also picked out the tuxes yesterday afternoon and they're perfect! When Cliff was trying on his tux jacket I nearly teared up, and he smiled so big. All this time I've been so focused on knocking his socks off with my wedding day attire that I barely thought about how incredibly handsome he is going to look. And not even just the two of us but our wedding party as well... black tuxes with black vests and blue ties for the guys and a darling little black lace strapless number (which will be made soon!) for the ladies.

Anyways, I realize I'm rambling now and it's time to meet Natalie for lunch anyways.

Hope you're having a great day!

Bah!

I forgot to post yesterday's landmark, but today's seems a bit more significant now that we're under the three-digit mark. Ahh! So crazy - in a good way, of course. It's amazing how everything just keeps moving along... in a little more than a week, we'll know that the chapel for sure is our's which will be a HUGE sigh of relief and once that's on we'll just keep moving forward. Invitations, bridesmaids dresses, showers, parties, decorations, and flowers - oh my! The creative juices are a flowin... I even made my flowergirl baskets a week or so ago!

It's so funny though, to think that I was far more stressed with six months ahead than I am even now with just about three. I honestly feel like it's all of the bigger picture decisions that weighed heavier on my mind and heart than all of the small things coming together once the place and the size are determined. People ask me how I'm handling it and man, it's great! My family and Cliff's both have been so supportive, so wanting to be involved, that I really haven't felt like I've been going it alone, which is nice. Not to mention having a fiance who truly does care. Once school winds down and I start nannying, I'll have even more time and slowly but surely, it'll all come together. And even if it doesn't, it'll be exactly what it was meant to be.

Of that, well, of that I can be sure!