Finding Community

...and needing your prayer.

It has now been a little over two years since we left our previous church and the base, there, that was our Nearly/Newlyweds class. By that time in our relationship, Cliff and I had been attending TPC for five years and had been in a College Sunday School class together and then after getting engaged, joined the group that would become for us a great foundation for our marriage and some great friendships, today - friends who've also long-since left TPC but remain in our lives in varied ways.

In the two years since we left, we have found a great home at our new church. Well, at least a home for Sundays (and the occasional Saturday evening). We love the teaching, the heart for global involvement, and the focus of the church. I have been involved in some Women's Bible Studies over the past three "semesters" and we went on a mission trip together with FBC to Germany our first summer with the church. But still, we struggle.

And it's the struggle of finding community together. We haven't been in a common-group setting since our days at TPC, despite having led or participated in men's and women's groups separately over the last couple of years. We have loved everything about our time there so far, but it has taken a lot of work and disappointment to get into a tighter, smaller community with the church as a whole. Groups not working out because of our schedule, because of co-workers in the make-up, because of well, because of a lot of things. Every time a group was presented to us, the door was shut before we'd even made it to the first meeting. 

Just recently, we thought that had finally all come to an end. It was a long-shot, applying for a group - a two year marriage intensive commitment - for which we technically didn't qualify because we had just eclipsed the range of years married and also the childless demographic they were looking for, but we thought - why not? Why not try? And so we did, and we were accepted, and had a good time meeting with the handful of other couples who would be joining us as well as our leaders at a recent informational meeting. While I still couldn't quite shake the feeling of being a teensy bit different than all of the other couples in the group, we felt a sense that it wouldn't have happened - we wouldn't have been accepted - we wouldn't have even been in that room were it not supposed to happen. We looked forward to our first real get-together this Sunday evening.

And then we missed a call last night from our leader which was returned this morning, and as strange as this sounds, it was like I knew. I just knew. As much as the first feelings that washed over me were disappointment and offense, there was also immediate peace that no matter what, we had to trust. A peace that lingered until even now when Cliff just called to let me know that, yes, they had reconsidered our participation because of how much our having a baby within a month of the group starting would affect its dynamic. 

So here Cliff and I sit, now no longer connected by the telephone "lines" where neither of us really knew what to say or what to do next or really even how to exactly comfort the other - and processing what this means. Processing the feelings of confusion, of disappointment, and uncertainty. I appreciate the resources the leader offered to Cliff in wrapping up their phone call and cannot blame them at all for doing what they felt was best for the larger group. But where does that leave us? We got the proverbial invitation in the mail, had already RSVP'ed yes, only to hear from the hosts that our coming was no longer entirely welcome.

Part of me wonders why the door even opened in the first place.

Part of me hopes it just means there is something else.

Part of me trusts that eventually, we'll get there.

But right now I just keep thinking about how the prospect of settling into a group like that while still facing that unknown transitioning of Virginia's coming, gave us an excitement - a freshness of learning and study and relationships - that is now dashed. And as many other problems as there are in the world, this one hits just close enough to home that we could use your prayers.

Things We're Happy About

Sunshine, Good Weather & A 3-Day Weekend at Home

It seems we can't get enough of this it's September and somedays it feels like October weather. It's fantastic. To walk out of the apartment in the morning and face a chill is quite thrilling. Makes one want to load up on chai lattes, listen to Rosie Thomas (okay, okay, that's just me - Cliff doesn't even know who Rosie Thomas is), and don our best scarves. It makes generally being outside even more enjoyable.

Recent House Developments

Surprise! We've been debating when to break the news to the masses (and by masses we mean all five of you reading this) that there's been a bit of a change on the house front. We have enjoyed and found a great deal of motivation through the House Fund saving process but are now looking a bit more realistically at the reality of what we want in a home, where we want to be, and what the present conditions of everything around us point to.

No, we're not pregnant. No, we don't have house fever. No, we don't plan to live beyond our means. No, we're not doing it just for a tax credit incentive. Yes, we have enough money to make a great down payment on a good home. Yes, we want to stay in Franklin. Yes, staying in Franklin requires considering that the sort of home we want would probably be worth more than $160,000 in 2.5 years. Yes, even interests rates on 15-year fixed mortgages are incredibly low. And yes, we're ready for the responsibility.

And yes, it's been a quick process, largely because we've been fortunate to have all sorts of the right people around us from Cliff's resources at work to real estate agents and mortgage brokers who are on their game. Already we've been pre-approved for the mortgage amount we need for the amount we're planning to spend and have spent (and will continue to spend) part of the weekend roaming about town with our agent looking at homes.

Uh, crazy, I know. There are days where it feels pretty surreal to me, as well. But it feels right. Whether you consider this going back on our word, so be it. Plans change, you know, and sometimes you have to be willing to reconsider goals and opportunities as they present themselves in light of what God is up to.

Being in and Understanding Community

Gosh, we're thankful for our friends. Thankful for the consistency of a night a week to be with men and women who encourage us, challenge us, and share their lives with us. At the same time, we've found ourselves on a bit of a journey in finding a church community to plug back into after slowly feeling distanced from our previous home church. That being said, it has been refreshing to see the Church at work in different church bodies in the area and we're hopeful we'll find a fit here soon.

Monday is the New Sunday

Well, at least for today. I'd give anything to have Cliff home with me, though...

We had such a good day yesterday. Our worship service teaching centered around providential relationships as one of the major foundations or "basics" of walking out your faith. I couldn't help but reflect, as we sat there in a giant sanctuary of so many people we still don't know, on those relationships I've had - the thens and the nows, as well as the ones I know I have yet to build - the laters.

And yesterday, from the morning until evening, was kind of a mini-celebration or at least recognition of all of those types of relationships. Lunch with good friends, both old and new, at what we hope will become a weekly post-church Subway Sunday Subday tradition. Dinner with two people we care a whole lot about and just haven't seen enough of, lately. And all day dreaming about a community or fellowship of women who might care for, learn from, share with, challenge, celebrate with, etc. etc. etc. each other. Sometimes I believe I've got lofty dreams or expectations in that area of my life and then I think, why should I not? And why should I not do everything in my power to foster it, as awkward or uncomfortable as it may ever be. Frankly, I've got to stop waiting around for someone else to do the thing that I'm asking for and Cliff has been a great encourager in that.

So anyways, this quiet day spent at home is plenty more time to ruminate on the desires God has placed in my heart and what my role maybe in bringing them about, not just for myself but for others as well.

Guten Morgen

Well, Kristine's voice has officially left the building. If Zach and Jody or any of Cliff's co-workers thought I couldn't get any worse, then Casey and Sara are most definitely getting a blend of Sophia Bush with laryngitis and an aged mobster, later this afternoon when we have our FOURTH ANNUAL Thanksgiving dinner. On this, the day of my daughter's wedding. "Family Guy", anyone?

And while Cliff has just left home for Sunday School, I'm soaking up some tea and honey, putting a hot compress on my airways every five minutes, and wondering if I should have taken mom's advice the other day about the Vick's Vapor Rub in the socks trick. It's just I started to get better... and then wham, surprise attack on my lungs/voicebox/etc. I'm really bumming about missing church, because the pre-Thanksgiving service has always been my favorite. Good thing I can watch it on the internet, later tonight.

It's nice being cared for, though. This is the spread Cliff had prepared for me when I got out of my hour long steam therapy in the shower:

On "Outrigger Island"

Alright, I'll admit it. I love Vacation Bible School.

I've been in Baptist churches for the last twelve years of my life and this is my first VBS. I couldn't figure out how exactly I never got roped in as a teenager to help and then Mom explained to me that it was because during the summers I lived with Dad. Bingo. That totally explains it, because this is so my sort of thing. So while I wasn't teaching VBS, I was spending a whole lot of time with kids at the summer camp I worked at for a number of years.

That was great training, because VBS is like camp meets church meets school and I'm co-teaching with a friend, which is great. We've got three teen "helpers," one of which is more a "tween" so she's not too cool for school (and her parents are our Sunday School teachers, so she knows us already) while the other girls, well, I'll just give 'em props for holding our tiki torch and leading our group around. They like to go to the bathroom a lot and sit together, away from the rest of us, in the break room. But, whatever, they're in high school. Our second graders (soon to be third graders!) are astounding, way smarter than I expected, and just so incredibly youthful. Add to those thirty-two kids, hundreds more, and you've got VBS at The People's Church. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better place to get involved because it's on such a large scale. The rumor is that around 900 students and 300 workers have been in attendance throughout the week.

When you train for VBS, they tell you if you're going to get excited about things, you've got to go all out or give it nothing at all, because the kids see right through it. And I'll tell you what, I've yelled at the top of my lungs, done hand motions to catchy songs, and have engaged in the most simply profound conversations with seven and eight-year olds. And I've loved every second of it. I fall asleep singing "A-ya-wiki, B-ya-wiki, C-ya-wiki..." and wake up with the chorus from "I Know My God is Real" in the morning.

Evin usually leads our opening bible study, which involves a good chunk of scripture and discussion. I usually lead our closing bible study, in which we spend our time talking about how to apply the truths from the earlier study and we also work on our memory verse for the day. I think we've taken a different approach from a lot of teachers who spend their time doing all of the cutesy games that are supposed to help teach the lesson. Before the first day, we realized games take up too much time and that after our first day, even without them, our second graders get it. I mean, these kids are just amazing. You ask a question and sure you get the occasional spacey answer, but for the most part, we've been surprised time and time again by their thoughtfulness.

It's encouraging, and for what it's worth, it gives me a lot of hope. Just a week of being in this environment has made a huge impact on my faith and my walk with the Lord. I can only hope that, for what it's worth, it's doing the same for all of these kids. For some, it's just another thing to do during the day, but I think it all makes a difference in the end. When the Truth is spoken, through song and scripture, it never really leaves you and I pray it never does for the thirty-two kids I've spent my time with this week.

I really do.

O-I, O-I know the truth
O-I, O-I speak the truth
O-I live God's unshakeable truth...

Summer Came Early

Wow. I love it. I turned in my last assignment and said goodbye to my co-workers on Friday to bring to close a semester, well, really two semesters plus a month of grad school, to welcome in summer - practically two months early for what most consider to be "summer." It's awesome and so strange, though. I kept waiting for something to feel more final or triumphant or, I don't know, something more than every other Friday.

But then the weekend came, and I kept running into these gentle reminders of the sense of freedom that stands before me now - almost undeserved in a way. But getting ready for a wedding and really just needing a break (and living up what might be my last un-career summer) seem to be perfect excuses for babysitting every other day and having the freedom to do what I want (more babysitting, shopping, sleeping in, baking, oh glory!) I love not having something looming in the distance, either - like assignments. I mean, sure, eighty-one days from now the biggest event I've ever worked on planning in my whole life will take place but I've got plenty of time and help to get it done, I'm not so much feeling it burdensome.

Anyways, I'm excited about a change from the routine because by the time it rolls around again I'll be excited about that. Lord knows what I'm going to do with myself next year this time...

The past few days have been awesome and sunny, both literally and figuratively (the sun-shaped "bib" - as Cliff put it - on my chest is evidence of that). Cliff and I cleaned our cars on Saturday afternoon and GARSH my car is clean - like - HAWT clean. Seriously. And then we packed up the kayaks and gear and headed out west to Burns (about 30 minutes away?) to paddle a portion of the Harpeth called the Narrows of the Harpeth. It was our first time doing something besides still-water and it was fantastic - we could do it seriously or just lounge depending on our varying moods during the 5.5 mile (2-3 hour) trip. It was a gorgeous day and we saw beavers and copperheads and turtles, oh my! Later in the evening we went over to Casey and Sara's for some of Casey's famous grilling (this time it was steak!) and good company.

Sunday was the usual, which of course includes a stop at Starbucks before going to Sunday School class where a couple brought in Munchkin Donuts from Dunkin' Donuts, making that the fourth time in a row the last few weeks. (It's a tradition in our class for expecting couples to bring in Munchkins and then everyone has to guess who's having a baby - fortunately with Cliff and I in the class, they have a little easier time narrowing down options, haha). After church we met up with Casey and Sara (and Aaron who had joined us for service) at the annual Franklin Main Street Festival where we partook in festival food and walked in and out of booths that lined the streets as far as the eye could see - pottery, light switch plates, electric-wire jewelry, you name it! I love stuff like that - it made me miss the Neptune Festival and how much there was to do over the course of days... sand soccer tournaments, arts and crafts booths that Grammie and Grandpa sometimes participated in, and sand sculptures.

Got a great start to the week today with Jakey who was feeling much better this week than he was last and therefore not nearly as fussy! We spent the afternoon at Dragon Park where he sat in the swing most of the time and then we took a jaunt around the neighborhood in his supped up jogging stroller. I think I'm going to be a great mom, one day. I don't know, I just take a lot of pride in the relationships I've been able to have with children over time and how much it really is a joy for me to learn them from infancy on up. Last Wednesday I had this semi-rough day with Jake and today was the complete opposite, and I know that not every day is as bright and sunshiney as some often are and that sometimes the glamour is lost when the kids are actually your own. But I really do just want to be a mom, and it doesn't at all feel like a cop out to me.

So in my own little perfect ending to a day where I get to pretend to be mom, I was on my way home and called Cliff and changed our plans for going out to eat tonight to me cooking for him, so I could pretend to play wife as well. I ran by the grocery store and picked up ingredients (rotelli, check - cherry tomatoes, check - chicken breast tenderloins, check - asiago and parmigiano reggiano cheese, check - baby spinach, check - something for dessert, check... I had everything else) for a recipe I had seen on the Food Network today and memorized (and of course added my own personal flair, using the rotelli instead of the fusilli, adding crushed red pepper and the chicken because Cliff likes his protein). I came home and fixed dinner, set the table and turned on some Sinatra and we had a nice dinner "at home." (By the way, since I put so much effort into dinner I got these for dessert and they were awesome.)

So what does tomorrow hold? Who knows?! And I like it that way!