Just an Update?

Driving past open pastures and wooded areas along 840 the other evening, on our way to Cleveland, I was really taken with a feeling I hadn't felt in quite some time. Watching the setting sun to the tune of a long forgotten but favorite album, I thought about the countless number of drives I have made, since meeting Cliff, to a place that was once completely foreign and now almost as familiar as the place I have called home for the last five years. The newness of those first couple of drives have worn out over the years, but Friday, they returned.

Cliff was driving his car in front me of me with our kayaks strapped to the top, as I toted along all of our climbing gear and the rest of our luggage for a holiday weekend at the lake. Smiling, I realized we had almost everything we love and need packed in our cars and were heading home. My mind wandered forward a few years, wondering how it would feel to be heading that direction to settle - permanently - as is currently the path we see ourselves headed down.

That trip alone made the foolish trouble I had been having with the idea of even having my physical residence be in Franklin and not Nashville - Williamson, not Davidson County - much less disconcerting and, perhaps, even comforting. The more time I have spent in that area of Middle Tennessee, which was not unfamiliar to start with, the more I welcome the change of pace, location, even - life.

Our drive was just the start to a great weekend spent climbing, kayaking, and spending time at the lake with family. We went to Leeda on Saturday - our first climbing trip sans Aaron, which meant that while Cliff led each route, I had to, in-turn, lead-belay and clean the routes. That was quite an experience for me, but a good one - especially in the attitude-check and learning departments. After a couple of climbs, Cliff took me up to Little Rock City and I bouldered my first two outdoor problems ever! Sunday, we did the lower portion of the Hiwassee which was about a 10-mile stretch from Highway 411 to the Old Patty Road bridge. It was incredible! Crystal clear water, broad bends, and a TON of fish. We saw Trout, Bass, Carp, Gar, Stripers, Perch, and another yet to be identified fish. And then we came back to the cabin to celebrate my birthday with the fam and... guess what I got for my biiirshdaay... (AN iPOD!) woohoo. So that was awesome.

Monday we ate way too much food (don't you just love having to wear a bathing suit and then being offered really great food) and took a few boat rides before packing up and heading back to Nashville. And here we are. Hung out with Molly and Lauren yesterday, saw Pirates with Casey and Sara last night, am babysitting today and Friday, and then later that day we'll head back to Cleveland with Natalie and Ryan for our shower (excuse me, Tea) on Saturday afternoon and more lake fun! Back and forth, back and forth, and on and on we go.

I love summer!

Summer Came Early

Wow. I love it. I turned in my last assignment and said goodbye to my co-workers on Friday to bring to close a semester, well, really two semesters plus a month of grad school, to welcome in summer - practically two months early for what most consider to be "summer." It's awesome and so strange, though. I kept waiting for something to feel more final or triumphant or, I don't know, something more than every other Friday.

But then the weekend came, and I kept running into these gentle reminders of the sense of freedom that stands before me now - almost undeserved in a way. But getting ready for a wedding and really just needing a break (and living up what might be my last un-career summer) seem to be perfect excuses for babysitting every other day and having the freedom to do what I want (more babysitting, shopping, sleeping in, baking, oh glory!) I love not having something looming in the distance, either - like assignments. I mean, sure, eighty-one days from now the biggest event I've ever worked on planning in my whole life will take place but I've got plenty of time and help to get it done, I'm not so much feeling it burdensome.

Anyways, I'm excited about a change from the routine because by the time it rolls around again I'll be excited about that. Lord knows what I'm going to do with myself next year this time...

The past few days have been awesome and sunny, both literally and figuratively (the sun-shaped "bib" - as Cliff put it - on my chest is evidence of that). Cliff and I cleaned our cars on Saturday afternoon and GARSH my car is clean - like - HAWT clean. Seriously. And then we packed up the kayaks and gear and headed out west to Burns (about 30 minutes away?) to paddle a portion of the Harpeth called the Narrows of the Harpeth. It was our first time doing something besides still-water and it was fantastic - we could do it seriously or just lounge depending on our varying moods during the 5.5 mile (2-3 hour) trip. It was a gorgeous day and we saw beavers and copperheads and turtles, oh my! Later in the evening we went over to Casey and Sara's for some of Casey's famous grilling (this time it was steak!) and good company.

Sunday was the usual, which of course includes a stop at Starbucks before going to Sunday School class where a couple brought in Munchkin Donuts from Dunkin' Donuts, making that the fourth time in a row the last few weeks. (It's a tradition in our class for expecting couples to bring in Munchkins and then everyone has to guess who's having a baby - fortunately with Cliff and I in the class, they have a little easier time narrowing down options, haha). After church we met up with Casey and Sara (and Aaron who had joined us for service) at the annual Franklin Main Street Festival where we partook in festival food and walked in and out of booths that lined the streets as far as the eye could see - pottery, light switch plates, electric-wire jewelry, you name it! I love stuff like that - it made me miss the Neptune Festival and how much there was to do over the course of days... sand soccer tournaments, arts and crafts booths that Grammie and Grandpa sometimes participated in, and sand sculptures.

Got a great start to the week today with Jakey who was feeling much better this week than he was last and therefore not nearly as fussy! We spent the afternoon at Dragon Park where he sat in the swing most of the time and then we took a jaunt around the neighborhood in his supped up jogging stroller. I think I'm going to be a great mom, one day. I don't know, I just take a lot of pride in the relationships I've been able to have with children over time and how much it really is a joy for me to learn them from infancy on up. Last Wednesday I had this semi-rough day with Jake and today was the complete opposite, and I know that not every day is as bright and sunshiney as some often are and that sometimes the glamour is lost when the kids are actually your own. But I really do just want to be a mom, and it doesn't at all feel like a cop out to me.

So in my own little perfect ending to a day where I get to pretend to be mom, I was on my way home and called Cliff and changed our plans for going out to eat tonight to me cooking for him, so I could pretend to play wife as well. I ran by the grocery store and picked up ingredients (rotelli, check - cherry tomatoes, check - chicken breast tenderloins, check - asiago and parmigiano reggiano cheese, check - baby spinach, check - something for dessert, check... I had everything else) for a recipe I had seen on the Food Network today and memorized (and of course added my own personal flair, using the rotelli instead of the fusilli, adding crushed red pepper and the chicken because Cliff likes his protein). I came home and fixed dinner, set the table and turned on some Sinatra and we had a nice dinner "at home." (By the way, since I put so much effort into dinner I got these for dessert and they were awesome.)

So what does tomorrow hold? Who knows?! And I like it that way!

Respite

I really just needed a break. Can you believe that? I'm away from work and school at a conference here in Orlando and I need a break! I wish someone close to me and in the same boat was experiencing all of this with me (Sarah!) so someone could understand - just for a brief moment - all of the thoughts that go through my head when I pass faces I've never seen before with matching namebadges and so many jobs, so many titles, so many schools - all one career field. I sit on sessions and get excited about the road I'm carving out for myself and walk into a sea of nearlly 10,000 people doing the same thing and feel somewhat of an inferiority complex swimming around in my gut. What makes me stand out? At this point, it's not my resume or my experience... maybe not my knowledge or intellect... but if there's one thing I have, it's heart. And it's easy to lose some of it doing something like this, on my own, without a whole lot but personal motivation to tie me back to me - the former undergraduate who fell in love with the idea of working with students the way our student affairs administrators worked with me.

So that's what I keep coming back to, that and going home tomorrow to some normalcy and de-cluttering of the brain - not that what I'm gaining from this whole experience is awful, I just need to kind of figure it all out and move forward with the things that actually pertain to where I'm headed. But until then, when I need a moment and can't escape to my hotel room like I am right now, I close my eyes and think about last Saturday. I see Cliff and I sitting on a tiny island in the middle of a remote cove on Percy Priest lake with our beached kayaks and turkey and cheese sandwiches and the exploring we did of a new place that day. Oh, if everyday were that way. That kind of escape, that kind of respite. I loved the challenge of kayaking, the joy of a new hobby and worthy investment, and the general feel of doing it all with the person I love most in this world.

Ah... off to another session (which will hopefully be a good one).

Purrr...

Tomorrow!