Finding Community

...and needing your prayer.

It has now been a little over two years since we left our previous church and the base, there, that was our Nearly/Newlyweds class. By that time in our relationship, Cliff and I had been attending TPC for five years and had been in a College Sunday School class together and then after getting engaged, joined the group that would become for us a great foundation for our marriage and some great friendships, today - friends who've also long-since left TPC but remain in our lives in varied ways.

In the two years since we left, we have found a great home at our new church. Well, at least a home for Sundays (and the occasional Saturday evening). We love the teaching, the heart for global involvement, and the focus of the church. I have been involved in some Women's Bible Studies over the past three "semesters" and we went on a mission trip together with FBC to Germany our first summer with the church. But still, we struggle.

And it's the struggle of finding community together. We haven't been in a common-group setting since our days at TPC, despite having led or participated in men's and women's groups separately over the last couple of years. We have loved everything about our time there so far, but it has taken a lot of work and disappointment to get into a tighter, smaller community with the church as a whole. Groups not working out because of our schedule, because of co-workers in the make-up, because of well, because of a lot of things. Every time a group was presented to us, the door was shut before we'd even made it to the first meeting. 

Just recently, we thought that had finally all come to an end. It was a long-shot, applying for a group - a two year marriage intensive commitment - for which we technically didn't qualify because we had just eclipsed the range of years married and also the childless demographic they were looking for, but we thought - why not? Why not try? And so we did, and we were accepted, and had a good time meeting with the handful of other couples who would be joining us as well as our leaders at a recent informational meeting. While I still couldn't quite shake the feeling of being a teensy bit different than all of the other couples in the group, we felt a sense that it wouldn't have happened - we wouldn't have been accepted - we wouldn't have even been in that room were it not supposed to happen. We looked forward to our first real get-together this Sunday evening.

And then we missed a call last night from our leader which was returned this morning, and as strange as this sounds, it was like I knew. I just knew. As much as the first feelings that washed over me were disappointment and offense, there was also immediate peace that no matter what, we had to trust. A peace that lingered until even now when Cliff just called to let me know that, yes, they had reconsidered our participation because of how much our having a baby within a month of the group starting would affect its dynamic. 

So here Cliff and I sit, now no longer connected by the telephone "lines" where neither of us really knew what to say or what to do next or really even how to exactly comfort the other - and processing what this means. Processing the feelings of confusion, of disappointment, and uncertainty. I appreciate the resources the leader offered to Cliff in wrapping up their phone call and cannot blame them at all for doing what they felt was best for the larger group. But where does that leave us? We got the proverbial invitation in the mail, had already RSVP'ed yes, only to hear from the hosts that our coming was no longer entirely welcome.

Part of me wonders why the door even opened in the first place.

Part of me hopes it just means there is something else.

Part of me trusts that eventually, we'll get there.

But right now I just keep thinking about how the prospect of settling into a group like that while still facing that unknown transitioning of Virginia's coming, gave us an excitement - a freshness of learning and study and relationships - that is now dashed. And as many other problems as there are in the world, this one hits just close enough to home that we could use your prayers.