A Highly Requested Recipe

I've only recently come to appreciate the Pumpkin Spice Latte (can you believe it?) and thus went about searching and tweaking and settling upon what I find to be my favorite order of things for this delicious fall drink.

Pum(mmm)pkin Spice Latte
makes 1 serving

Ingredients:
1 cup milk
1 tbsp canned pumpkin (or homemade puree, if you're especially resourceful - unlike me)
1 tsp honey (some recipes call for 1 tbsp sugar... I like mine w/ honey & less sweet)
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 shot espresso (if you don't have an espresso machine, 1/4 cup of strong brewed coffee is a good alternative)

Directions:
Combine milk, pumpkin and honey in a saucepan and cook on low-medium heat, until steaming. Don't forget to stir! Remove from heat, and whisk in vanilla and pumpkin pie spice. Pour into your favorite mug and add the espresso last! Of course, you can always dollop with a little whipped cream and added pumpkin pie spice.

Mochas At Home

I love that Dave, in the Financial Peace University curriculum, calls buying a home a forced savings plan. Because really, in so many ways it is true. But even more than a forced savings plan, its like this giant magnifying glass that really calls into question, at least for us, the heart behind the money. The reason we spend and on what and for whom.

I mean sure, we've been pretty diligent to do the right things. We made sure we continued to give. We got on a budget. We started an emergency fund. We cut up our credit cards. We paid off my grad school loans. We finished our emergency fund. We opened up HSAs and IRAs and 401Ks. We started on a steady track of significant savings for our first home.

But as much as in life, with money, your actions can be right while your heart and mind are all over the map. You can feel like because you're doing the right things in every other area, you can kind of fudge around in the places no one really keeps track of. That it's okay to sort of "live it up" because we deserve it for working so hard.

I hate that spending money a little recklessly is a reward for living by the book most of the time. And I'll admit, I don't want to live in either world entirely. I don't want to be so bound up in formulas and systems that I lose sight of the fact that ultimately, none of this matters, we're only doing what we can with what we have and one day all of it will be gone. On the other hand, I don't want the other type of bondage that comes with not taking responsibility and living far beyond your means.

So where does that leave us?


Well, I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm trying to figure out how to change a pattern that has sort of sneaked into my life and spoken untruths to me. Has told me that "purchasing things is more valuable than making them", "getting something quickly is more rewarding than making it", and "so what if you spend all your blow money on yourself, it's yours isn't it?"

Well yes, but how can even the money that is dispensable become something that matters - something that can always be used for something more important than funding my self-satisfaction.

One small, and maybe silly way has been making my most favorite coffee drinks at home. Sure, I've done it plenty of times since we were fortunate enough to receive a double espresso/coffee maker as a shower gift. But almost sort of as a novelty, like "oh, isn't this fun, I can make a latte if I really want to!" meanwhile preferring the convenience of a quick pull-in at Starbucks or a run-over to Bongo on my way into work for my coveted once-a-week espresso kick (the rest of the week it's office coffee).

And I mean, what's so wrong with that? I'm only making (usually) one stop at Starbucks or Bongo in one week spending $4 on a really great Grande Nonfat Iced Caramel Macchiato or a Tall Nonfat Vanilla Latte when there are people who spend the majority of their weekly income on it. Aren't I so good?

But even that has been called into question. Because the issue is at the heart of my deeming my behavior good and others' bad, meanwhile denying myself the opportunity to do what I love to do which is to create. To spend all of the five (or 8, if I'm steaming milk) minutes it takes to grind the coffee beans, brew the espresso, and make the final product, meanwhile freeing up money to have a meal with friends or purchase a card for my boss or leave a better tip for someone not expecting it.

I'm not making a values judgment on anyone but myself here, so please hear me clearly.

I want our money to go further than the boundaries of our own pleasure and comfort and this whole house process has been the catalyst for this feeling.

And it seems, these days, my iced mochas at home are a start.

Introductions

Okay, I know you've bin on pins and needles.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet...




Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip, Espresso Truffle


Seriously.

I went to Starbucks today for a treat. Because typically, I'm a make my coffee at home kind of girl and I like it that way. But today's dreariness called for a little bit of retail therapy of the caffeinated kind and there's a Starbucks with a drive-thru by our apartment. Easy fix.

And lo and behold, Espresso Truffle, a drink I don't ever recall seeing on the menu board before, called out to me with the softest and sweetest voice in all of espresso-dom. I politely questioned the nearest barista to get the scoop on this Espresso Truffle, and I liked what she had to tell me. I mostly heard the words signature, chocolate, and espresso and the bills were practically jumping out of my wallet. All four of them, to be exact. That's what blow money is for!

So I ordered.
I sipped.
And I fell in love.


The end.
...or not.



p.s. Way to guess, Heather!

p.p.s. I went to Starbucks website to check the specs and it was seriously like a personal ad: "This sophisticated beverage delivers rich chocolate flavor with a velvety mouthfeel balanced with a smooth coffee flavor." Smooth, sophisticated, and rich? Yes, please.

p.p.p.s. What the heck is mouthfeel?

That's What Starbucks Was For

I don't know if it was the iced caramel macchiato, the new coldplay album on my iPod, or the sunshine coming through the tall windows, but I just spent a blissful hour and a half by myself at Starbucks. I wrote (with a pen and notebook, for a change) and dreamed, closed my eyes to take in the lyrics of songs I've listened to for weeks but haven't really listened to, and reflected on how sweet life is. (Molly, you'll be glad to know I'm using your Memoir volumes, finally.) I even curled my hair, put on a skirt and a necklace (and a top, of course, but what's so special about that?), and managed a swipe of blush before going there just to remind myself that beauty, while natural without those things, is enjoyable to accessorize.

I felt for the first time in a long time that everything really does matter, I can be alone but not lonely, that God is pleased with me, and that I, myself, have so much to take pleasure in.

Last night and today have been the culmination of what has felt like a pretty long-winded turning point for me. Cliff and I both shared words and tears just before bed, yesterday, over the struggle against fears that have plagued me my entire life. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being "enough" or even "good enough", and finally this newfound fear of losing all of those fears (who knew that was even possible?). I have felt pretty alone in all of this. It's easy to make even my husband who loves me so graciously, so kindly, and so unconditionally, an outsider in this season of transition and of learning. But he, more than anyone, has opened my heart up to simply living, never asking me to make up for my apparent lack of employment by doing something.

Our evening involved some required mending in the areas of our relationship where I had let the lies win out. Especially in the parts where I believed I was alone in all of this. And it always seems right when God is teaching me a lesson about loving and trusting Cliff, there's an even deeper lesson there to be learned about how I relate to Him.

So, that's what Starbucks was for.