Have you ever woken up...

just feeling mad at the world? Like every person is doing their best to make your life miserable (except, maybe, the wonderful spouse who leaves you a post-it note saying "I love you" on the counter after you go to bed so that you'll get it first thing when you wake up in the morning to fix breakfast). I've just had it with everyone today, for sure. And it's not like each individual person has done something equally offensive to me, it's just the summation of it all is a little bit too much for me to handle right now. I pity a person who unintentionally bothers me, right now, because despite how innocent their request or act would be, I'd take it a very, very wrong way.

Part of me just wants to yell so loudly that everyone hears and has that awful feeling of guilt I know a human should experience when they've given someone the cold shoulder, done something wrong to another, or just been plain inconsiderate. And the other (stronger) part of me wants to curl up in a soft blanket on a couch with a bowl of ice cream or a big greasy hamburger and fries (I'm a comfort-eater, okay) and watch reality TV because it's way easier than dealing with reality.

The truth is, people can be inconsiderate and I am people which means I do some of the same exact things that everyone is doing right now to get me steaming. It wouldn't do my anger any justice to go on venting about all the little intricacies of what inconsiderate acts have taken place in the... oh... I don't know last month or two? It's just been building, all of it and I'm just now realizing how unhealthy it is to keep all of this in - and how just as unhealthy it is to go complaining and gossiping and gabbing about it all.

I know no other remedy than to breathe deep, hold back the tears I feel filling up that space behind my eyes, and reflect on how I'm living my life in relation to others. Am I doing the best I can? Am I going out of my way to do what I say and do more than what I say? What lessons can I learn from all of this besides how to forgive? And where is God in all of this? What do I hear Him saying? How is this making me a (hopefully) better, different, stronger person?

The reflection might come a little later, because right now, I just don't have the time - but I'm praying for it and glad fall break is just around the corner because I really (really) need a break, just for my mental sanity. For now, I'm trying my best to breathe deep and stop, if even for a moment, and realize how insignificant so much of this would be if my perspective was a little bit different. People change in response to different things, and the inconsideracies (I know, I made it up - get over it... seriously) won't unless I do my best to rid my own life of the very same things.

I can't promise, though, that I'll be able to hold back the tears - because truthfully, sometimes a cry is the best thing for letting go. Crying is just the release of thousands of tiny little grievances that can altogether, tragically weigh down the heart.