Respite

I really just needed a break. Can you believe that? I'm away from work and school at a conference here in Orlando and I need a break! I wish someone close to me and in the same boat was experiencing all of this with me (Sarah!) so someone could understand - just for a brief moment - all of the thoughts that go through my head when I pass faces I've never seen before with matching namebadges and so many jobs, so many titles, so many schools - all one career field. I sit on sessions and get excited about the road I'm carving out for myself and walk into a sea of nearlly 10,000 people doing the same thing and feel somewhat of an inferiority complex swimming around in my gut. What makes me stand out? At this point, it's not my resume or my experience... maybe not my knowledge or intellect... but if there's one thing I have, it's heart. And it's easy to lose some of it doing something like this, on my own, without a whole lot but personal motivation to tie me back to me - the former undergraduate who fell in love with the idea of working with students the way our student affairs administrators worked with me.

So that's what I keep coming back to, that and going home tomorrow to some normalcy and de-cluttering of the brain - not that what I'm gaining from this whole experience is awful, I just need to kind of figure it all out and move forward with the things that actually pertain to where I'm headed. But until then, when I need a moment and can't escape to my hotel room like I am right now, I close my eyes and think about last Saturday. I see Cliff and I sitting on a tiny island in the middle of a remote cove on Percy Priest lake with our beached kayaks and turkey and cheese sandwiches and the exploring we did of a new place that day. Oh, if everyday were that way. That kind of escape, that kind of respite. I loved the challenge of kayaking, the joy of a new hobby and worthy investment, and the general feel of doing it all with the person I love most in this world.

Ah... off to another session (which will hopefully be a good one).