Virginia's Birth Story

Reading birth stories in preparation for my baby girls arrival was both exhilarating, empowering, and enlightening. I've decided to share ours, as it may give someone somewhere a touch of hope or clarity or perspective that yes, every birth is different and unique as every mother and baby are.

I woke up Thanksgiving morning in quiet tears, as I had many mornings that week and a half leading up to her due date. I wish I could tell you why, as it was not out of pure sadness - nor fear - but this strange feeling of helplessness that would overcome me as I faced each new day leading up to her due date. When would she come? How would she come? Knowing only that she would eventually come - on her own accord or medical induction - your body goes into limbo and your heart and mind, right along with it.

Two days before, I had gone in to see my doctor for my 40-week visit and had finally dilated to more than 0cm but not quite a whole 1cm. After no real progress the weeks preceding, it was exciting to have something to hang my hopes on - even if, for all intents and purposes, 3/4 of a centimeter - or so - was all it was and both my doctor and I felt I had some time to go. Some time bookended only by an induction date we had set at that appointment, for December 5th - a whole two weeks away that felt forever long and more likely than not, what we were heading towards.

By that point, I think I'd prepared myself to have the exact opposite of my ideal birth happen... the good thing, though, was that from the beginning, I'd not ever held too tightly to a particular ideal. I didn't throw out delivering naturally entirely - nor was I convinced 100% I would want an epidural. Having never been in-labor before - I felt it was only fair to myself and my personality (which struggles with failure and shame) to wait and see what it all felt like. Granted, I had a birth plan but it was a loose one, at that. Most of what mattered particularly to me when it came to birth was what happened in those first moments after and our time with Virginia.

So Thursday morning it is. D-day. I spend some time talking with Cliff before he heads off to put lights up on his boss's house... kill time on my phone... and then finally rouse myself out of bed to make it at about 9AM. As I'm doing so, I notice an odd sensation and immediately head to the bathroom. There, I think, I discover one of the three major signs of the onset of early labor... and I'm stunned and confused and immediately call Cliff and then the doctor. As it turns out, my doctor - Dr. Kyzer - is on a ski trip for her holiday and I talk briefly with the doctor on-call - Dr. Schlecter - who agrees that yes, it could possibly be what I thought it was but also to be prepared that it might be a precursor to a different sign of someday labor, since my condition two days prior wasn't exactly what you'd call ready, and that hadn't happened yet as far as I knew. She tells me just to keep an eye on things and call her if something changes.

Well, nothing really changes as the morning progresses so I keep myself busy with hang-out time with my sister, green bean casserole preparations, a shower (where I conveniently decide to shave my legs... just in case), doing my make-up and hair, and not thinking as much as possible about what had happened that morning. After sufficiently keeping myself preoccupied, I decide to sit down to write a quick post on my photography blog in the spirit of Thanksgiving. As I'm working on the quote design and the text, I notice what I thought was a strange movement by the little one pretty low in my pelvis. Not painful by any means, just odd... and then again... and then again. Curious, I pull out my phone and my contraction timer app and start timing the movements. Turns out they are about the same length in both duration and interval. Hmmmm, I think to myself. This is at about 12:15PM that same day.

About that time, my sister comes into the room from finishing up getting ready herself and I let her know I think I may be having contractions. You think? Yeah, I think. But, I'm not really sure what kind they are so after timing them a bit more I declare it time for a walk outside. And another call to Cliff. So over the course of a very surreal 45 minutes, we take three laps around the neighborhood and the contractions persist... to the point that by the end of our walk, I'm finally having to use my breathing techniques. The contractions didn't exactly hurt, but they weren't exactly comfortable. And I realize, this is more than likely happening.

Just as we're finishing the walk, Cliff pulls in from his morning errand and we go into prep mode. Re-checking the bags that have been packed in the back of my car for a month now - stocking it with Cliff's items. Mom and Marcus arrive shortly after - I hop in the shower again - and we decide to continue on with our Thanksgiving plans of dinner at Ryan's place with his and Natalie's parents seeing as me laboring shouldn't waste a perfectly good meal for the rest of my family AND their house is closer to the hospital. So we get to their place at about 4:30 and settle in for the next four and a half hours or so... I manage a few bites of some of my Thanksgiving favorites and manage to stay as comfortable as possible (thanks to Ryan's bed and the incredible support of everyone there - especially Cliff) as my contractions are obviously increasing in strength and number. I call Dr. Schlecter to check in with her again and ask, really, when I should come in - as I'd wanted to labor as long as possible not in the hospital and then go only when I should. She told me, "you'll know."

And sure enough, I eventually did, just as the pain of the contractions hit a point where "home" wasn't really comfortable anymore and I'd probably feel about the same at the hospital. So at 9PM, we loaded up and took off for Baptist. We get there at 9:15PM and run into my in-laws, who drove straight there from Cleveland - beating us to the hospital, and get checked in. By 10PM we make it to our Triage room where I was checked for the first time since Tuesday and was at 3cm and 80% effaced. I had thought, certainly, as long as I'd been laboring already and how painful it was becoming, I had to have been further than that - and felt some dismay. But the nurse kept telling me how great that was and how much work I'd done considering I was only 1cm and thick just two days before. From Triage, we are carted off to our Labor-Delivery-Recovery (LDR) room to settle in for the long-haul.

There, our nurse Amanda - whom we lovingly refer to as "girly" because that's what she called me... constantly... acquaints herself with us and gets me all set up and hooked up to an IV. I'm clearly dehydrated by this point and am grateful for what reviving that does, as well as getting hooked into the monitors which set the soundtrack for the evening - my sweet girl's heartbeat. By 11:45PM, I am checked again and am in the 4-5cm and nearly 100% effaced territory and really starting to feel weary.

Cliff holds my hand through every contraction, helping me to breathe through and focus. He feeds me ice chips and softly caresses my head. He is a saint. I ended up having our waiting-room patrons come in to visit in rounds, hoping that might pep me up for what's left to come. It's certainly a welcome reprieve, but every contraction hits harder than the previous and I'm not much company for those popping in. Somehow, I'm able to rest - even briefly - between contractions, which is such relief... but slowly that fades and there's no relief between contractions. And at that point, I knew I was ready for an epidural. I had been up since 5AM the previous morning with no naps and I couldn't imagine staying awake and in pain like that for an indefinite period of time.

I was nervous about the procedure, yes, and curiously anxious about the effects it would have on me and my laboring, and my postpartum experience with Virginia. But let me tell you, an epidural, in that moment and for the morning to come, was such such such a gift. They administered it at about 2:45AM and it was not anything close to horrible - for me, at least. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, but it felt good and right and I will never regret it forever. A little while after having it administered, I am checked again and am at 6cm with my bag of waters on the brink of breaking... or so we thought. Caveat: my goal was to make it to 5 or 6cm before deciding on an epidural... and without even knowing it, that goal came to light.

I manage to fall into a good sleep, feeling the pressure but not the pain of every contraction, and am awoken at 4:15AM and told my contractions have slowed and they'd like to break my bag of waters. I give my consent, they present what looks like a large plastic crochet hook, and what's done is done. Unfortunately, this doesn't get my contractions going again and I'm awoken, a little later, and am asked if they can administer Pitocin. Knowing at this point, I just want my baby in my arms and I've got an epidural (thus helping to cancel out the woes of Pitocin), I oblige and am put on a drip at 5AM. At 6AM I am checked again and am finally - wait, what? - at a real 6cm. Real, as in, the baby's head is dilating your cervix... not the bag of waters. Apparently that can happen and when my bag of waters broke, my dilitation receded and then came to when Virginia started making her way down the birth canal. That's good, I guess, but it doesn't quite feel like the progress we'd hoped for by that time.

Ahhh, but then things get going. They come in again at 7:15AM and I'm in the 7-8cm territory. Yay! Jody arrives to start documenting what will be left of our labor and delivery. By this time, my new nurse for this 12-hour period - Jill - comes in and she's just as great as Amanda. Love me some Baptist LDR nurses. We get acquainted, she gets me a Popsicle, and I ask for our waiting room saints to be brought in again in rounds. At some point about this time, my Pitocin dosage is lowered and I'm put on oxygen because the Fetal HR is going up and down quite a bit... this worries me only briefly as things are adjusted and everything goes steady again. I felt so well-cared for.

After visitors and more ice chips and a delicious popscile and no more oxygen, it's 10:45, I'm checked again, and I'm 9cm "ALMOST 10". Woohoo. This is really happening, I think to myself. How in the world did I actually make it this far? Having convinced myself that, because of my high and narrow pubic arch, this wasn't going to happen... and even at that point, I had a lingering fear of stalling. But stalling didn't happen because only a half hour later, I was checked again and complete. Complete as in 10cm?, I ask. Complete as in 10cm, Jill says. So I'm about to push? You're about to push. But not before Dr. Schlecter works some magic and turns Virginia ever so slightly to get her in the proper position for birth (she was facing my left side instead of my spine, like she should).

At about 11:20, Cliff, Jill, and Dr. Schlecter assume their rightful and helpful positions around the delivery bed - Cliff not entirely aware that practice pushing isn't exactly practice like it is in birth class... it's real. A few minutes in and there's all this talk and commotion about the crazy head of hair on our baby girl and he's tearing up and I'm just in awe that THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. And I can feel the pressure. I can feel my delivery - the realness of it, but not the sharpness - and I think, THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS EPIDURAL. I knew when it was time to push, but it didn't kill me and I had the best cheerleaders in the whole world. I'm sure they tell everyone they're doing a great job, but it certainly did help me to feel like a rockstar. It's tiring, yes, but there really is a relief in it and I just kept thinking... please don't let this take forever.

After 40 minutes of pushing, there is a newness to the hustle and bustle and I can feel Virginia making more of an entrance into the world. Dr. Schelcter comments that the umbilical cord is around her neck (like mother, like daughter) and she again, works a magic I will never begin to understand and at 12 o'clock noon, on the dot - there in the arms of my doctor who only 24 hours later wasn't my doctor, under the bright lights of an LDR room in a divine hospital, is my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful baby girl awash in a sheen of plum purple. They put her immediately on a blanket on my chest and I cannot stop crying. I won't. Because it is healing. This miracle baby laying there, trying her best to cry, but struggling because she had aspirated amniotic fluid, and my rock of a husband standing beside me, tears brimming in his eyes. It was unlike any moment I had ever or will ever experience.

Within a few moments, they ask to take her to the assessment station as they're concerned about her breathing condition. I am immediately worried, and yet immediately assured by the skill and attentiveness of everyone in the room. I can see her from a distance, being suctioned and hooked up to oxygen and Cliff there, standing by her side and I can only pray that after all of that, everything is okay. And it's more than okay. They have a specialist come in to assess her condition and they assure me she's doing better and will continue to do so and instead of taking her to the transition nursery, they want her right on my chest for skin-to-skin because it's the best thing for her. And so after weighing and measuring her, she is brought to me and I lose it all over again. A tiny, wriggly body that for months hid and grew inside of me is now in my arms... and she is smiling, on accident, and breathing and she is just perfect in every way. I try my first hand at nursing, which goes surprisingly well and we lay there for what feels like forever... and in some ways, I know it will be forever, the way it's etched into my heart and mind.

 

I have an incredible God... husband... family... friends... doctor... and nurses to thank for what an amazing and grace-filled experience my labor and delivery were, from start to finish. Having not created an ideal in my head for what I wanted it all to look like, exactly, it could not have been closer to the way, in my heart, I had hoped for it all to go. 

I have a healthy, sweet girl and I am well, and that is all I could have ever, ever asked for.

She's Here!

And she's been here for a week :)

A little preview of her birth...
A little reflection her first week...

We are so in love, tired, and happy beyond belief.

Nursery Furniture!

The great debate is over!

Well, I guess it never really began, except for in my head.

And this week, it's wham-bam D O N E.

Furniture AND bedding, that is!

Final bedding choices:

Carousel Designs' gorgeous gorgeous line of fabrics at babybedding.com.
-2 bubblegum pink fitted sheets (one for use while one is washing)
-gathered lovebird damask bedskirt (a splurge, but I just ADORE the fabric)
-no custom bumper (opting for a breathable green one, instead)
-no custom quilt (opting for a cheaper, softer fuzzy blanket - maybe green or pink) instead

Final furniture choices:

Munire's Rockport Collection (which is being discontinued!) - in white

-the 3-drawer dresser/changing station
-the lifetime crib
-the armoire

Oh, and this guy!

NOT BROWN... celery green

Best Chair's Storytime Series
-the Tryp in celery green, no contrast cording




We've still got quite a few main things (like a rug and lighting and curtains) to knock-out but at least there is furniture ordered and on its way in the many weeks to come (this stuff takes FOREVER to come in) hence my nail-biting over getting it done this week. And all this week I've been making trips here and there to our local craft stores for supplies for my DIY nursery accents and I can't WAIT for that week to come... yay for getting things done!

Days Go By

These are randoms, but good randoms, just things accumulated over the last handful of days.

Their New Normal, Too

I'm so grateful for friends who let me be exactly who I am right now. A woman who is not just an expectant mother with a protruding abdomen on the surface, but a woman who is thinking and processing so much as life is changing. And they're letting me change and loving me through it. And buying gifties and planning showers and reaching for my belly. In the stretches of days when I am home alone or just hanging with Cliff in the evenings, I'm grateful for the every couple of weeks get-togethers as they may be, the dinners and the hugs and the laughter. For somehow without having really done this before, opening themselves up to our new normal as a part of their own, whether they've had kids or not or whether that's the last thing on their own minds. They haven't run away and I should thank them more often for that - it means the world to me.

Yes, I Have Mom-Brain

As much as I didn't think I'd be that person, I am. Every other Instagram, every other Facebook status update, every other everything = baby. But when I take inventory of my days, the subsist of things like grocery shopping, meal prepping, bank running, lunch grabbing, photo taking, image editing, blog writing, gallery uploading, and that's the humdrum stuff - well - the stuff that I've always been doing. And I don't have the baby wearing, breast feeding, diaper changing, cry calming action going on yet so everything is about preparation... about making space in my home and in my mind and in my heart for a life that will be dependent on us as we're dependent upon each other and the Lord to make this all work. So yeah, while I'm doing a lot of normal things I always do, I'm thinking a whole lot more through all of that about topics which are entirely mommified... cloth diapers, blackout curtains, nursery furniture, baby bedding, craft decorations and more.

I'm a WorkerBee

Speaking of normal things, work is busy right now. Unbelievably good busy and it feels like it came out of nowhere. Isn't that funny how that happens? One day you're in the middle of a few slow months where it just so happens to be okay because of a string of trips... and then even with the weekends full, my weekdays are busier than ever. This past weekend alone was assisting with two weddings and had five sessions scheduled, which, as fortune would have it (as I was really quite over scheduled upon review) two sessions cancelled and I only had three. But a busy weekend makes for an even busier week as all of the follow-up stuff is really what takes time. And it's looking like these next two months are going to be just about the same. And though I'm feeling good and recovering well, I get worn out so much easier these days, and I am without a doubt glad to be giving myself a margin of about five and a half weeks from my last session to my due date - knowing Virginia could come at any time.

What a Man, What a Man, What a Man, What a Mighty Good Man

Man oh man, is Clifford the bomb dot com. I'm serious. I can't imagine how much I will grow to love him and adore him and respect him more every day Virginia is here if, in the days leading up to her arrival, I am finding myself doing the same. The way he asks me to hug him from behind so he can feel my stomach on his back and calls them "Daddy hugs"... the way he talks to my belly... the way he goes out of his way to make sure I am feeling cared for. How he doesn't just tolerate but protects my fragility in moments of complete emotional and physical exhaustion - which given my schedule last weekend - can be frequent. And then through all of that he is so present and attentive to our home and the projects that need to be done, doing them for his sake and mine and making me thank God everyday that I married someone with a crazy amount of work-ethic and problem-solving skills. It's amazing how much more of a companion he has become and he has always been one - I just never knew it could be this much more and steadily so.

My Pregnancy Is...

Realizing that no matter how hard I try, both morning and night, to prevent them, I have stretch marks. So instead of letting myself look at them with anything but pride, I thank myself for every one as they look back at me from the mirror - reminding me you are stretching and growing and changing like the home in which you live. And though there are few, and though I will continue taking care of my body the best I know how, this is its journey... my journey. The one that can and will be different than every other mother and yet somehow the same. The one that has little place for vanity, and so - I will embrace it all.

My Pregnancy Is...

Waking up with a startle in the dark hours of what could only presumably be morning. I make my way to the bathroom, thinking that might be it. Shuffle slowly to the kitchen with my glass in hand, wondering if thirst were the culprit. But no, not quite. So then I lay back down, and there she is, kicking every half a minute or so with what feels like all her might. Ah, that's what it was. I quietly thank her for getting me up to use the restroom and hydrate myself and for making a 4:30am wake-up entirely worth it. Without thinking, I reach for his hand in the dark and place it ever so gently on my bare belly and within a half minute, he too, is awake and chuckling to himself with every movement. Our sleepwalker, our ballerina, our soccer player - whatever she will be - she is almost always letting us know she is there.

LTU: Lil' Turkey Update

We interrupt Kristine's regularly-scheduled baby-research-morning-routine to bring you this update.

24 weeks, y'all. TWENTY-FOUR WEEKS. Presumably, 16 weeks to go.

Hey BABY!

It's really true what they say about the second trimester and I'm doing my best to enjoy these last couple weeks of it, without psyching myself out too much for the trimester ahead. Regardless, these are days to be thankful for - no matter how I am feeling.

Every site says something different now about the size of our Miss Virginia, but she's just finished up life the size of a Papaya range as demonstrated in the last LTU. According to my What to Expect When You're Expecting iPhone app, she's an ear of corn. Either way, she's growing and filling out my soccer ball-sized uterus. Yes, that's right, I said SOCCER BALL. Holy moly.

The last week has made for a lot of fun around the Neeley household, as lil' Turkey becomes more and more noticeably active. Just a week ago, we celebrated the milestone of seeing and feeling her move from the outside for the first time. That gave our weekend trip to Charleston such an added boost that it didn't even need - at one point I was in a fit of uncontrollable giggles over her performance at the Charleston airport before our flight home. I'll never get tired of that feeling. After a few failed attempts to video her acrobatics, I came up with a great plan to catch her in action via a shaking glass of water, a la "Jurassic Park".

(Make sure you're logged into facebook to see the video above!)

I've since discovered that she love love loves music. It seems classical and singer-songwriter are her favorite, as she gets much more active when we're listening to those genres than to anything else. She also loves to move when I'm not moving, so I find that time in bed is when I'm most likely to get a little performance from her... perfect excuse to lounge away these hot, hot summer mornings and evenings :)

With our first shower just a little more than three weeks away, I'm in the throes of trying to make more baby-product decisions. My-oh-my. It's sometimes overwhelming all that's out there and how much you can't know you'll really need until you try it all - and of course, need a baby on which to try it :) BUT, I will say it's getting easier as I find myself less consumed with doing what others do exclusively and deciding for myself from everyone's advice what I think will work best for us.

Speaking of, I've had the whole cloth-diapering thing nagging at the corners of my pregnant mind since we started this journey - well even before. And the more I learn, the more I'm convinced it's nowhere near as difficult as the general public seems to think and might end up being a great solution for us... so, there's that. Crazy, huh? Big question is, once we decide for sure it's what we want to do (with of course the reality that we will have some disposables around for convenience sake when traveling) - what kind we'll get... I'm leaning mostly towards FuzziBunz and bumGenius mostly for the one-size and snap options which I think make the most sense for us.

FuzziBunz!

bumGenius!

As mind-boggling as it all is, it's making the reality of what's to come seem so much more... well... real. And that, my friends, makes it ALL WORTH IT.

LTU: Lil' Turkey Update

I've not been so great at these lately. I think, for me, while it's a week-by-week experience with our little one, it's more of a day-by-day, especially as some weeks bleed into others depending on where we are and what we're doing. So, I guess a month is not so bad.

The only thing I know is that right now, I'm officially in my twenty-third week of pregnancy which is just crazy. Did you know that I'm only a day less than two weeks away from the baby potentially being VIABLE outside of the womb. I hate the thought, but in some ways, it's reassuring. She's that big, that full of life, that developed that though it'd be difficult, she could make it.

Whew, sorry to go all deep on you there.

As always, let's see what fruits and veggies she's been the last couple of weeks.

Mango.

Cantaloupe

Banana!!!

Here's where The Bump starts lumping in months of pregnancy into one fruit. Apparently starting at 22 she's a Papaya.

We've made absolutely no progress on the nursery, but I'm okay with that. Because as determination would have it, I'm chipping away at some other personal and house projects which will free up my capacity to both think about and want to do the nursery. I mean, not that I'm lacking in want - it's just you've gotta have priorities and it's amazing the little things I've already gotten done this week that I've been talking about for MONTHS.

Virginia is making her presence known every now and then. I've not really felt her consistently these last two weeks, but I've felt her some - usually around the time they say you will - when you're lying down. Other times she surprises me with what feels like a little nudge to the side or a flutter. I welcome the reminders, wholeheartedly, whenever they happen and am admittedly looking forward to their increase in frequency.

I'm still amazed by my belly. Well, I guess still isn't quite adequate. I'm not sure at what point I went from amused to amazed. Maybe it's been the string of weeks I've been almost required to be in my maternity swimsuits because of the beach or lake. But I'm amazed. Every pregnant woman's belly is so unique to her - her shape, her weight, her height, and the position of the baby. I know I'm being particularly shy about baby bump pictures but the few we have I'm just astonished. And when I look at old pictures of myself it's amazing to think I didn't have this at some point. It's growing on me. Literally. 

Granted, I feel like a house by the end of every day (and literally wonder if I have a stomach or lungs anymore) and can't get in and out of the car without making an audible noise, BUT, I'm really coming to love my body which is a completely foreign experience for me. That's quite a grace in this already chock-full-o blessings experience.

And I know right now I'm in what is considered to be the "comfort period" of a pregnancy (sometimes I highly question the standard of comfort to which they're referring) but I'm really loving being pregnant. I feel awesome.

Baby Bedding...

is positively maddening. Well, for me at least. Because, quite frankly, I'm picky... and a planner. So I know - or at least - have an idea of what I want and what I can find in the store JUST isn't cutting it. And so, of course, that means we might end up spending a pretty penny for something custom... and once I researched my options for going that route, I'm afraid I can't turn back. 

There's just so much and all of it is absolutely gorgeous.

Most recent design...

(verdict's still out on the bumper... I'm pretty certain, as pretty as they actually are, we won't be using one. and in that case, the sheet set would maybe be green... and yes, that is our actual floor, wall, and trim colors. www.babybedding.com is amazing.)

I'm not married to this design, it's just the one I happened to come up with today... after these two, yesterday:

Upon further review, this might be my favorite.

and this one the day before:

and so on.


What do you think?!

Virginia's Nursery

About in the same way the name-planning came relatively easily, so did the nursery themeing. Granted, we haven't got started on too much when it comes to the nursery except for clearing it (mostly) out and having the walls painted (thanks to some chance of foresight when we bought and subsequently painted the house more than a year and a half ago)... but somewhere, early in the game, the idea for the colors and concept came to me. I was sitting, in fact, on this very same couch e-mailing my best friends with the idea... "what about an oh-the-places-you'll-go (as in, travel-like) theme?" 

Which paired perfectly with the already existing Benjamin Moore Waterfall of the room and our love for travel... and books! Dr. Seuss is classic and I plan for Virginia to have the motherload of children's books. BUT. I didn't want it to be too Dr. Seuss-y, if you know what I mean? So leave it to colors, printed quotes from the book, and maybe a few hot air baloons (oh, and hopefully the full Dr. Seuss collection)... and then a good dose of maps, globes, possibly a few vintage suitcases and you've got our nursery.

Can you see it?

If not, check out my Pinterest Board for the Nursery that I've been collecting ideas in for the last, oh... (according to Pinterest) 15 weeks (which is only a week after learning we were pregnant - how's that for planning?!):

CLICK on the picture to see more :)

We're Having a... (and the gender winner announced!)

you'll have to click here to find out :)

As for the first winner of our Lil' Turkey Pool - I promise I didn't rig this...

NATALIE CORN (!!!!!!!!)

Chances were pretty high for just about anyone in the running for this spot, considering only 16 out of 45 guesses were correct. But! For those of you who guessed incorrectly (as even I, myself, did) - don't dismay - you're entry is still valid for the later pool upon LT's arrival!

We've both been overwhelmed by all the wonderful things everyone has said to us over the last twelve hours or so about the news - the encouragement and confidence you all have to share with us is making this an even sweeter joy. Thank you!

LTU: Lil' Turkey Update

It's been awhile (six weeks, in fact) since I've done one of these - you know - exclusively about LT.

Last we checked in, little one was the size of a plum. Now look how it's grown!

That's right! We're EIGHTEEN WEEKS along, today!

It's amazing to think all that's happened in the last six weeks. I found myself becoming less and less sick, a little less exhausted, and growing a little more round in a particular area of my body. That and we got to hear LT's heartbeat again at our 16 week appointment!

In case you missed it...

Check this out on Chirbit

And while LT is a growin' things they are a changin'. Well, not so much that we can see from the surface, but it's just amazing to read - week by week - what's going on inside of me as far as baby's development. As far as my development goes, there's plenty to be seen on the surface. I haven't felt the baby move just yet (though I'm not certain of this as things just feel different altogether), but my hips and stomach most certainly remind me - everyday - there's something going on. I can't tell you it's all been fun. 

Learning to sleep on your side shouldn't have been an issue for me, because I'm a side-sleeper, but apparently my body revolted once it became my only choice. The ol' pillow between the knees trick has helped some, as well as my prenatal yoga - but there's rarely a morning that goes I'm not acutely aware of my hips. Loosening and becoming more flexible thanks to hormones, sure, but bearing the weight of new body positions has been a challenge. A welcome challenge, though.

In other news, I've purchased three maternity swimsuits for days lounging at the pool and our upcoming beach trips. There's not too much belly to fill them out yet, so I often feel like I'm just wearing a cute strapless top, which is actually kind of fun - minus the fact that they tend to float the surface, haha. Speaking of consumerism, looks like we're going to begin the fun of registering here soon - two of our three showers have been officially scheduled and I had my first "we're delivering and we're totally unprepared" dream - so I've decided to get my act together and at least get around to developing a pre-registering list. Feel free to chime in with those items you couldn't live without (or could) in the comments below!

In just two weeks and a couple of days, we'll know the gender and THAT is something I can't wait for!

Lil' Turkey's Heart

It's just a'beatin' away!

http://www.kristineneeley.com/blog/2011/06/10/we-are-listening/

Best Guesses

There's SO MUCH to update on, but we'll start with this:

We've created a baby pool for everyone to join in the fun with us of anxiously wondering (and guessing) Lil' Turkey's identity... gender... expected arrival... size... etc. You can enter a guess yourself (please, only one!) by following the link above or the official banner, which can be found on the right sidebar or on Lil' Turkey's page above (did you notice that?!) 

Once the day rolls around where we can clock in the actual information afforded to us by his or her arrival, we'll calculate the winner who will be richly rewarded for their sheer genius (or pure luck) with gifties! Those of you who make your guesses BEFORE July 11th and are correct about the gender (which we will, alas, be finding out THAT DAY) will have your names thrown into a hat, one of which will be selected and given an early reward for, again, being so dang smart (or lucky).

So play on, family & friends!

My Pregnancy Is...

Just barely comprehending the faint whisper of a tiny, microscopic heart as the nurse zeroes in on the location of its source. Locking eyes with the man to whom that tiny heart also belongs to, in a way. Sharing with me, because of it, a part of himself I have never known but am growing more in love with every day. We smiled as the sound grew stronger - more distinct as the doppler found its way to the exact location of our little one. Beating so fiercely, so beautifully, so divinely. Now hearing after seeing. One day... feeling.

Babies & The Seams of Friendship

These are the thoughts on my mind this morning, after drumming louder and louder this week. Thoughts related to pregnancy, life as it's been so far affected by our pregnancy, and my attempt at trying to normalize after our normal is changing... just enough that all of life seems like it's turning on its head.

I get it now.

When we first joined our old Sunday School class at the Peoples' Church in '07, the February before we got married, it was overflowing with a variety of newly (and nearly) wed couples in their early twenties to early thirties - navigating through the nuances of a new (and upcoming, in our case) marriage. It was such a wonderful season for us, making friends and learning... even as some of the couples started having their first (or second, in some cases) babies. Because I love babies. And always had. It was like having class mascots that I pined after holding at group get-togethers. 

But with that, lying under the surface of the excitement for these couples we liked so much, was this hidden shift that was taking place somewhere in the behavior of those relationships - tugging at seams that were once held by marital status alone and now had changed so much with children on the way. At parties, the pregnant women would sort of sequester themselves off to each other - chatting about the things us non-pregnant women couldn't quite yet relate to. Not that I would have been unable to enjoy or learn from those conversations, but would have had nothing to add. As much as that sometimes hurt back then, a part of me understands it now. 

Except that I no longer find myself in a steady community in which to do any sequestering. We are no longer in that community, as that shift itself pointed to changes in the seasons of those couples' lives - where newly-marriedness was not so much the issue as parenting - and things devolved from there... we are slightly hanging in the balance as far as community goes. 

So, instead of gravitating towards a subset of people within a group, there is no group in which to live a subset. That lends itself to then moving now towards my individual friendships. And I think it's been easier for some to move along with me in this transition, and I with them, because our ties have never had anything to do with marital status - just similarity of thought and hope and dream, and yet such differences in staging of life that there is grace to be encountering new and altered states of being without feeling the need to either pull away or speed up to that state. So it's not a betrayal of any sort of expectation that one must be as we are - married without the responsibility (or humdrum, as some might see it) of kids.

I've begun to feel, in a way, that instead of being the one to pull away - we are being pushed, just every so slightly, to the edges of relationships where we may not be quite as weightless in the thinking, the changing, the preparing of such a circumstance in life. And while I expected that to happen after the arrival of our little one, I didn't expect it to be so soon before.

Seams of friendship.

And all of that gets me thinking about, again, the difficulty of friendships as an adult. I look at relationships like the ones Cliff's sister Wendy and her husband Brad have with their closest friends - and the reason it works is because their friendship has been so long-standing and was not stitched together by the idealism of marital or parental status but by similarity of heart. It's only when those things get mixed into the same bag that it gets funky and slightly tenuous.

It's why some friendships that moms form with other moms are done out of a feeling of necessity and then at some point years into their kids' friendships, the two... or three... or four... realize they have nothing in common with each other. Or the way it is with couples when we try, for our spouse's sake, to be friends with the spouse of their friend and we may fool ourselves for awhile that it's working... but it doesn't. Or even, when newly-marriedness seems a cause worth rallying together a band of doe-eyed, hopeful husbands and wives that begins to slowly become unraveled as demography changes.

So what does that mean? Do we then look to those people to whom our lives were stitched together out of the desire for company - not of like-livedness but mindedness or hopefulness or spiritedness - and try to reinforce and update them? Are we to hope that somehow any seams laid on the basis of status become over-stitched by one of true and lasting friendship while pulling slowly at that of circumstance?

How do we hold onto the friendships and relationships we have... and love... and are so grateful for, while moving forward into a family of three when the unspoken rule, for just a little while longer, might have been two. Because the fact is, everyone has known this was coming and yet in some ways we feel faulted for being the ones to move forward. We'll have been married just over four and a quarter years when we have our baby... and will have just barely eclipsed seven years of life spent together, just before or after he or she arrives (depending on how early he or she wants to arrive). This is our time.

But we still need friends.

I think that's pretty self-explanatory.

LTU: Lil' Turkey Update

Last update on Lil' Turkey, he or she was about the size of this:

Then last week, he or she was about the size of this:

And now, Lil' Turkey's graduated (at TWELVE WEEKS!!!) to this:

While my morning-noon-and-night sickness hasn't entirely pulled an Elvis and left the building, it has subsided over the last couple of days - just enough that I've got hope that I won't be holding onto this much longer than my first trimester (which ends next week!). I've managed to, in the past couple of weeks, successfully garner the skills of expulsion in the car while driving, when out to lunch with friends, and while on the phone with my husband. Add that to my resume.

I am, just barely, starting to show and I have, thanks to Kate and Gabby, picked up quite an array of maternity clothes to help navigate this transition for my body. A transition I hardly think I'm prepared for, but become increasingly excited about as I watch everyone else around me becoming more and more expectant for some sign of what's going on inside of me. A life extending from within me into the world it will one day inhabit. Our sweet Lil' Turkey. Can't wait to hear the heartbeat in just a couple of days!

Meeting Cohen

This:

made my whole day. Cohen Lucas Krehbiel is ADORABLE. I mean, A-freakin'-dorable. I could have stayed for hours holding him and watching sleep, but alas, I was not able to. Luke and Evin seem so incredibly happy and it makes me excited for one day when we have our own little peanut around. He's just so cute!

Baby Love

I know we've mentioned the numerous babies that our Sunday School class has recently been blessed with. It's so fun just watching how they grow and how their parents grow and change with the addition of a new little one. We've recently had good times with Ava, Caden, Elise, and Miss Hailey who's pictured here with me at the Larews' going away party on Sunday (notice Andy's handy PhotoShop skills?).

Just thought I'd show you how ridiculously cute she is and is just one of many lovelies that have come along and are still yet to come! (Baby Elliott, Jackson Larew, Baby Faught, Baby Jones, Baby Capurso, and Baby Krehbiel... one every month from May through October/November!).

In other news, I'm off to Atlanta today and tomorrow with the Belmont SIFE team for Regionals. Wish us luck and lift up some prayers. There's a lot of pressure riding on these students to live up to the precedent set by our teams from the last two years, and I believe they can do it - but there's a lot of great service being done in this country and we're one among many. Besides that, I've been walking in Cliff's shoes from last year and they're pretty big to fill... no pressure though.

Pray that Cliff survives the night, morning, and day with me away. You'd think I was leaving forever the way he's going on about it. I can't deny, though, it makes me feel pretty darn special. Sigh :)

Baby Avery!

Our dear friends Amy and Josh had their little miracle baby, yesterday! What a story of grace and love. For nearly three years Josh and Amy tried to have a baby - every which way you can think of - to no avail. It was the biggest desires of their hearts, and yet, again and again they were met with "closed doors" in the form of failed pregnancy tests and the like. There was no explanation. But they never gave up and have had groups of people praying alongside them for years. Amy just couldn't shake the both the desire and the belief that she would be a mom.

Rewind to last July, weeks before our wedding, when I got the surpise of a lifetime while having a planning meeting with Amy about our rehearsal and day-of (both of which she coordinated). She was there with her mom (who I should have guessed was in town for something special) and I with my sister. And Amy just laid the news on me. And oh my. The floodgates opened and I was hysterical. Three years. And here she was sitting in front of me telling me she might be a little out of sorts during the wedding because she was with child. And that it was surprisingly au naturel. Holy cow.

Fast forward to yesterday, when that miracle baby, Joshua Avery Coles (known as Avery) was born. Oh he is precious, and I was just beside myself to see that little wonder. Cliff and I went last night because it was our only chance to go together, and I didn't want us to not share that experience of seeing him for the first time together.

If you're interested in seeing pictures, I've uploaded them to our flickr page. (see right - "Our Photos") He's just adorable!