Almost Respectfully

Dear "That Guy" at the Gym,

Alright, so here's the deal.

In the last four hours since I left the gym, I've cut you a little slack. You see, this morning, when I watched you wander aimlessly around the same five feet by five feet portion of the gym, I had Jedi-drafted this really great mental open letter in my head. One that would really help me to express the frustrations and instrinsic criticisms towards you that were overloading my brain while I was actually trying to workout.

I guess, in this merciful stay, instead of criticisms such as "You are ridiculous!" and "Wake up, son!" I might offer suggestions or mere advice for how to... I don't know... workout?

So here's what I've been thinking.

1.) If you're going to spend the first thirty-minutes of your morning workout sleepwalking, you might as well stay in bed. It'd probably be better for your health, anyways. Oh, and my sanity. Because, to be frank, you were just in the way.

2.) Come to the gym with a plan, the same way you would go to the grocery store and not mindlessly wander the aisles. Now, don't get me wrong - I do this occasionally when I'm not sure what strikes my fancy. But it's food dangit! If you're at the gym, which requires determination in the first place, then take the next step and determine a routine!

3.) Realize that just because you can't hear people, thanks to tiny earbuds lodged in your inner canal, doesn't mean they don't exist. At least give the areas you're deciding to wander aimlessly towards a look-over before you swing your weights into the space I've been inhabiting for a good three minutes. Last I checked, I'm not invisible.

4.) And lastly, looking at the mirror at your grunting, panting, contorted-in-pain face while lifting weights is one thing. Doing it with nothing in your hands and no machine even five feet near you is another. I don't think the phrase "no pain, no gain" actually applies here.


So anyways, I hope this helps. It helps me for sure.

And here's what I'll offer on my part:

If I see you tomorrow, I'll try to work on keeping my glare at a minimum. My husband reminded me enough this morning that we are surrounded by mirrors and though in your sleepwalking stupor you might not have picked up on it, I was a little peeved. But I'll try to at least hide it, if not for your sake, then for mine.



Almost respectfuly,

"That Girl" Who's Actually Trying to Workout at 6AM