Coming Full Circle

It's funny how life happens. How God orchestrates things you can't really understand, nor see as He is piecing them together. But I absolutely believe in His sovereignty and His faithfulness. Admittedly, now more than ever.

Eleven and a half weeks ago, my dream job in student affairs was posted. I spent that morning fielding e-mails from friends at Belmont about whether I'd be applying or not. After an important conversation with a mentor and my husband, I knew it wasn't my open door. At least, not at the time. And, boy, did I talk to God about that one; I remember that day so vividly.

In a fit of tears, curled up on the couch, with the mid-afternoon sun of an early September Monday streaming through the window, I pleaded with God to know why. Why all of this waiting? And what for? Why was I facing these walls everywhere I turned, and where was He in all of that? I think I faced more of my fears and shame in that span of an hour than I had ever cared (or dared) to. And I pleaded with God to give me answers, or to at least comfort me and show up somewhere in all of this.

And though I never felt the answers come, I believe He did show up. In the late-night text messages from that same mentor, just two weeks later, asking for my help with the Debate. Then again, in a phone call from the Dean of Students a week after the Debate, requesting my help with spring orientation starting the next week through the end of January. Three weeks after starting my work in that role, in a surprising opportunity. And now today, just a week later, in the offer of a lifetime: to fill that very role to which the door, I thought, had been completely closed.

But it wasn't. At least, not in His eyes. I could not have planned that, nor weaseled my way into being at the right places at the right times. There was so much more to it, than that. So much that I had no control over it, nor had any expectations for.

And now, almost exactly six months to the date of my last day working on my practicum at Belmont and stepping into the unknown, I have come full circle. Oh, but now I see how much I didn't understand about who the Lord wanted me to be and how far I still have yet to go. Because there is always the unknown. And it manifests itself in different segments of our lives, from work, to learning, to relationships... because I think without it, what is faith for?

I am full of gratitude. To God and to so many people who have believed in, prayed for, challenged, encouraged, and supported me through this part of the journey. And I say "this part" because I realize, now, it's not a beginning and it's not an end, it's another step along the way. A step that He has shed enough light on for the moment, that I can learn to keep trusting Him for what is next. And I know that won't be without challenge or struggle, for sure.

But today, I feel the composure of hope, joy, and faith in such a way that I can't do anything but rejoice. I am just so thankful.