Some Thoughts on Friendship

I haven't left for Atlanta yet (in an hour!) and I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to blog about something Cliff and I have been discussing as of late and thought others might be able to contribute to.

Is it just us, or does friendship - true friendship - get harder to come by and to sustain as you get older?

"There are not many things in life so beautiful as true friendship, and not many things more uncommon.” - unknown

I saw this quote the other day and couldn't help but think how true it was. But why is it this way, now, when ages ago it seemed not so? And how does one known when they have found "true friendship"? Is it something you just know - is it something proven - or is it something unmistakeable the moment it becomes that?

Cliff has had the blessing of having a best friend since kindergarten. That best friend was his best man in our wedding. I on the other hand, have had hiccups of friendship, that although sometimes short-lived, were still incredibly strong for the season. I was talking to the women in our women's group the other day about how I sometimes miss those all-consuming and self-identifying friendships of elementary, middle, and high school and even of college. I was fortunate, even as an introvert, to always have a "crew", as people liked to call them back in the day, that I spent my time with. You could share anything, the silly, the ridiculous, the heart-wrenching... anything.

Nowadays, and for the last couple of years, Cliff and I have that in each other. Which is great and we love it. We truly are best friends.

But that doesn't mean there isn't or hasn't been a place in our lives to continue new and old friendships with women (for me) and men (for him) and with couples (for both of us). We've been blessed and really can't complain to have had the opportunity to make good friends along the way and to be meeting so many new people who we're getting to spend more time with and get to know better. We'd be lying, though, if we said everything was perfect and that we weren't longing for more. To cut deeper than the surface with, to go through hardships with, to share life with, and to be challenged by friends that won't just be for yesterday or now but for a lifetime.

And then we remember we're 23 and 24 and lifetimes don't start now. But are we building the necessary foundations? Are we doing everything we can to foster not just good but true friendships? Are we letting ourselves get hurt by the disappearance or dwindling of current friendships? We see people like Wendy and Brad with this group of friends, four couples to be exact, who share so much of their lives together. And even though they were friends in high school, they didn't really start this level of their friendship until their mid-thirties or so.

We have friendships we treasure - and I wonder if the problem is that the true friendships don't exist or that we all don't do a good enough job of affirming. Or is it that affirmation changes? No longer do we say things like "I love you" (except for one friend who surprises me always and blesses me with the exchange we share at the end of every phone conversation), or even silly things like "LYLAS" or "BFF" or "You're my best friend." We don't get touchy feely and we don't let others know what they mean to us. And we're as guilty of that as anyone, because there are people we love so dearly it feels like our hearts would fall to pieces if we lost them but we bet they don't know it. And that's the shame of it all...

I know we're not destined for a life of shared friendship only between the two of us, though that wouldn't be all bad. It's just collectively, as a pair, we want more. Because we know it's those relationships that refine our marriage and "give value to survival" as C.S. Lewis puts it.

But we know we're not going to get without giving, and maybe what's missing will be filled in by our own ventures to learn how to be more than just good friends, but true friends.

Maybe.