Suddenly, I'm Old

Okay, so maybe the title of this entry is a little exaggerated, but in recent days I would rightfully be considered a bit of a grandma. I think I used the term a couple of times tonight in conversation with Lauren about my inability to watch the clock near double digits in hours. And it's not just that I'm tired, it's just that after a full (well, mostly) day in the office, I have very little interest in leaving the house once I get home from work. Because we don't have cable, either, there is nothing to mindlessly distract me and keep me up to all odd hours of the night. And admittedly so, we don't get much of a wireless reception in the apartment so that curtails the pointless web browsing, too.

I have officially graduated, I guess. "Wait, wasn't that in May?" you ask - I know, I don't mean graduation from college, I mean graduation from the college lifestyle. Suddenly, comfortable clothes at the end of the day is about as exciting as grandma's bi-semesterly care packages that came chock full'o candy, money, and sometimes even a pound cake in a tin container (complete with a jar of icing and a plastic knife for application). I mean it. I get just plain giddy at the thought of pulling out a pair of sweatpants (maybe shorts in this God-awful heat) and a t-shirt and camping out on the couch all evening reading books and relaxing like any normal twenty-two year-old should after a day of work.

Work is great, by the way. And I don't mean fun-times at the B&B because those are definitely over and have been for three weeks as of today. Fortunately, the times were a'changin' and the sweet winds of summer's end found me on the doorsteps of a new life at Vanderbilt, both academically and professionally. Previous to this, at my utmost delight, I spent two weeks, essentially, on vacation. I spent about a half a week or so on the coast of North Carolina with my wonderful family, enjoyed a few leisurely days here in Nashville, and then visited with Cliff's family in Cleveland for another half a week or so. All a perfect segway from a relatively miserable few weeks watching someone else's house, running someone else's business, and cleaning up after someone else's messes to a filling a very pleasant and long-awaited position as the new Graduate Assistant for New Student and First Year Programs (or-e-en-tay-shun) at the South's very own Harvard... or something like that.

I love everything about it so far, honestly, and I'm not just saying this at the off-chance that my supervisor finds his way here by following the link on my Facebook profile (he's a deputy of sorts). I started this last Monday, though Tuesday was my official date of employment according to payroll. Everyday I leave the house a half-hour before I need to be in the office, knowing now that it takes approximately ten minutes to get to Peabody's campus, ten minutes to find a parking space (for which I am now legally - and financially - permitted to park in), and ten minutes to walk from Peabody's campus to Vanderbilt's main campus where my office is. I cross a bridge everyday that stands as a symbol of the joining of the two schools and campuses just a few decades ago; after that, I round a few corners, walk up a circular set of stairs, round a few more corners, and enter the building I work in, of which my office is on the fourth and top floor. (That last statement is rather misleading, considering you enter the building on it's second floor). My morning routine consists of stashing whatever edibles I may have brought for lunch in the refrigerator, fixing myself a cup of coffee, and reporting to the big kahunas for whatever assignments may need to be undertaken that day.

Positively simple, I know - but I cannot even begin to tell you how fulfilling it is to be there everyday. I don't feel a bit out place, and after having a year off from the orientation gig, it just feels plain good to be back at it. And the whole transitioning into life three blocks away from Belmont at a new and slightly intimidating place of higher education has proved to be surprisingly... good. Part of me wishes I had the words to explain it all, but I don't and that leaves it more in a place of wonder at the work God has done, is doing, and will forever be up to. None of this can be credited to me or to just dumb luck - I am right in the middle of where God wants me to be and all along (without me seeing it, fully) He has been preparing me in a way - giving me the skills and confidence I needed to start like I have. I am no longer the girl who, two years ago, timidly accepted a leadership role she didn't feel quite prepared for, and, one year later, was still not fully convinced she could do the job. It feels good to see that change and reflect on all that has and all who have helped in the process.

He probably won't read this, considering he only has access to the web anytime he can find himself a Sudanese internet cafe, but I want to dote, for a moment, on Cliff - because I am right where I am today because of how God has used him in my life - and this seems a perfect time for me to express... well... the beautiful mystery of it all. Take this for an example: my place of parking for work, each day, is usually somewhere within a block of Cliff's old apartment. Everyday I am reminded of him and it feels familiar and comforting, like walking into kindergarten class (or eleventh grade) on the first day (or everyday) holding your mother's hand. I start and end each "workday" with an awareness of him that doesn't just serve to give a few warm-and-fuzzies, but encourages me in a way that seems almost too divine. Now before you go thinking my theology's gone distorted and Cliff now stands in place of the Big Man, just stop - you're crazy. I say these things and understand their significance is in the life God has breathed into these days - into our circumstances - into our relationship. But I can marvel at the rareness of the vessel with which God uses to pour into my life, wouldn't you say? Well, maybe you don't need to hear it all - but I've got to say, he's certainly been both a catalyst for and a sustainer of my perception of God's goodness and His ultimate good for me.

And it's all good. Seriously. No matter whether I have much of a social life these days (hey, I'm still adjusting to the work schedule), getting older doesn't mean life gets less exciting or less full. In fact, I'm starting to believe it's just the opposite - because you learn to find extraordinary things in the common routines of life and don't have to go looking elsewhere for them. I'm working and I'm living and I'm loving - and ultimately, I'm seeing God. I'd never trade all that for a night past eleven o'clock... never.